'There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write'- Terry Pratchett
We've all stubbed our toe before, right? That intense pain streaking through your body, the agony of impact and the sense of betrayal that a part of our body so small could cause so much strife. It feels as if the end has finally come, as Saint Peter stands before the pearly gates and looks on with sympathy as he reads that the latest arrival in heaven died of a vicious toe stubbing. Toe stubbing is quite awful, as are the majority of bodily injuries, but for a writer the worst pain to feel is the dreaded curse of 'writer's block'. It is the affliction of hitting a creative wall, and bashing your head against this mental wall has no effect on breaking it down. It hurts- a lot.
With 'Absolute Shambles' slowly meandering through its second year of existence, there have been plenty of times when I've thought to myself that I might have finally hit the point of running out of topics. That's when I have to use all two brain cells, sending them into overdrive into deciding what kind of nonsense shall enter the hallowed hall of posts. So this week, in order to raise awareness of this crippling ailment, here are some handy tips from the mind of Ben on how to beat back the block and get them words flowing!
STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S CONTENT
OK, maybe this could be phrased better. This isn't a seal of approval to go out there and plagiarise other people's content and pass it off as your own. In the world of writing, that is what is classed as a 'dick move', or plagiarism is you want to get technical. By 'steal other people's content', I mean do a bit of content curation. It's a fancy phrase for picking out the best content out there and collecting it altogether to form some sort of list. For example, compile a list entitled 'Best Blog Posts This Week On Britain's Obscure Weather Situation' and find the articles that are could provide scientific reasoning behind the erratic weather, or the hilarious ones that showcase how people are dealing with this strange climate. Hell, you could just talk about the weather anyway! After all, it is a proud pastime of the British people to either praise/ moan about the weather, and many a conversation have been saved by relying on this simple but effective social mechanism.
THE NEWS IS YOUR FRIEND
Our well-connected digital world may seem like a dystopian nightmare for some (which should delight the majority of us), but it does allow us to learn of all the latest developments in the blink of an eye. Those handy BBC Breaking News alerts mean that you're up to date with important stories that matter. Sporting triumphs, political disasters, a tragic death; there are plenty of events that will set off the little BBC News theme tune. The fact that these stories are breaking are not just because of the personal notifications set on what news stories to receive, but also because they are SUPER IMPORTANT. That means that everyone needs to know about them, and thankfully your phone has informed you of this. Keeping an eye on what is trending on Facebook, Twitter or any other social media platform where you can check the analytics is handy as well. If everybody is talking about whether or not it is ethical to pierce your child's ears, then you might as well throw your opinion out there. By the way Kylie Jenner, bit of a risky move piercing your five-month-old daughter's ears just for a bit of media buzz and a few new Instagram followers.
SPY ON YOUR FRIENDS
OK everyone, calm down. Once again, some explanation is needed here. Seeing what's trending on the news or on social media in general gives you an insight into what the whole world is yapping about, but it might not necessarily be what YOUR world is talking about. News stories, such as gun control, always gain a reaction regardless of what social group you're in since the issue is such a divisive topic. But going back to the example above, not everyone will care about baby ear piercings since they aren't parents or don't give two shits about the life of a reality TV star. Knowing what engages and excites your audience is a way to not just get the post read, but also creating a wider discussion. Internet memes are an integral part of our lives nowadays, so writing a post arguing about their worth as a future academic resource will peak people's interest as it makes people wonder how such an hypothesis can come about. But seriously, historians will archive every meme out there and do research into why everyone got so obsessed about how 'it's coming home'.
WRITE ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCES
The world is a big ol' place, so go out there and explore it! Perhaps you could write about trying a brand new exercise class and how you quickly realise that you're the only guy there, or going to a city that you've always wanted to travel to. It may have been a trip planned for months in advance, or a spontaneous jaunt onto FlixBus or Skyscanner showcased prices of £10 and a packet of Doritos there and back. This may inspire others to try out something new, or to just take your word on the class/ city and try it for themselves. Alternatively, dive into the box of childhood memorabilia and dig out something that gave you great joy growing up. Maybe it's starting a career on FIFA 13 with the glorious power of hindsight and seeing how far video games have come in the last few years. On the line of travelling, perhaps going to a familiar place and doing it a bit differently could be a potential post. While it's inevitable that you end up at the typical tourist destinations (one can never escape the Eiffel Tower, for example), becoming an eco-tourist for a day could present a whole new side to this once recognisable place. Once back in front of the laptop, it's time to talk about that sick vegan place on the backstreets of Paris, just to make everyone jealous of course.
BECOME A CRITIC FOR A DAY
Humans are very judgmental beings. Whenever the chance arises to express an opinion, the majority of us will open up and either rant or praise the topic at hand. Perhaps it's on how your favourite video game series did a prequel sequel, or the obvious socialist undertones in the divisive film that is 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi'. Either way, talking about the latest releases in the world of entertainment not only shows that your content is relevant since everyone is either praising/ having a strop about the most recent title in the Star Wars franchise, but also that you're brave enough to put your voice out there. That's the joy of the Internet really; everyone wants to say something, but sadly the language used might be a bit... rude, so to speak. It doesn't just have to be media either, as there is a big wide world out there ready to be explored. Linking in with trying something new, write a casual review of a restaurant with an exciting niche or a mass social event like a festival. Another suggestion could be reviewing a major international sporting tournament and passing it off like an extremely elaborate and well-presented awards show, which are totally legitimate awards as well.
YOU'RE SO VAIN
Some topics get a lot of traffic, and in the opinion of this humble young adult the two that generate the most are health and fashion. There's a reason why shifty adverts appears on websites that claim 'eating this one WACKY fruit allowed this woman in [insert your location here] to shed 2000 pounds!', and that's because everyone wants to get fit. While there is an ironically unhealthy expectation on what the average person should look like, it still peaks our interest in what self-entitled health experts deem to be the perfect strategy in looking good. Writing about personal health stories can be a source of inspiration for others, and a chance to act vain by showing off those nice new clothes that fits like a glove (don't shove). Those new clothes can also be written about as well, as everyone is always on the lookout for some new fashion choices and people would be dying to know where you got those sweet new Jordans from. Well, there's a magical place called 'China' and, goodness me, they sure look good. Think they go well with that new shirt as well.
MAKE SOME PREDICTIONS
Channel your inner Nostradamus and make some insights into the outcome of sports, new media releases or some political permutations. There's a chance that your favourites for the World Cup crash out in the group stages and that brings a slight redness to your cheeks, but that's the fun of making predictions! It's a great chance to show everyone how excited or sceptical you are about an upcoming event or release, and there's a great chance that your audience has an interest in it too. Doing a follow-up post not only keeps the writing juices flowing, but allows you to write about the future of the event/ release you wrote predictions on. Will the team that won the World Cup now assert their dominance over world football for the foreseeable future? Is the latest title in this well-established film franchise a sign of a downhill spiral or an ambitious new creative direction? There's no harm in making a few predictions here and there. Just be careful when writing about politics; after all, who would have thought that Donald Trump would become President and slowly drive the world insane?
PLAN, PLAN, PLAN
No matter how you phrase it, if you fail to prepare then prepare for failure. With writing, it is hard to predict what topics will be relevant in the next few weeks, especially as the world is constantly changing and a piece of news you think is relevant may not be as important as first thought. An election or the beginning of the football season are pretty much set in stone, so at least you know that these sorts of things will be relevant when they finally come about. But what about that stuff in the middle? Google, Facebook or any other social media platform can't predict the future, so that horrible gap between weekly posts becomes a chasm that widens by the second. It's a tricky predicament, but all is not lost. It appears that everything has a national day nowadays, so open up the calendars and find something bizarre (2nd August is National Colouring Book Day, by the way). There's nothing wrong with mooching off other holidays as well. For example, the 4th of July is just another day for a British national, but across the pond everyone goes nuts about cheating (the Americans basically relied on foreign assistance) in their war for independence. If you know some Americans living abroad, then see how they celebrate their national holiday in a foreign land. It's always nice to cross the cultural boundary, especially if you're British and Brexit is making everything rubbish.
LET'S GET PERSONAL
Nowadays, technology means the need to socially interact with people is deteriorating as fast as the polar ice caps. Companies are always trying to appear more 'human' with their social media campaigns, utilising memes to speak the younger demographic or answering every comment with plenty of exclamation marks and a calm demeanour to how a frozen rat was found in a pack of Cornettos. The same can be said about blogging. Churning out posts every week is great and all, but to your audience you're just another writer. Open up a little about some personal experiences to give readers a bit of an insight into your life. If you're going to walk 100 km for example, give reasons why you're taking on such a feat. Have you got something to prove? If you're doing it for charity, why do it for that particular charity? Maybe you just like walking! Driving up interest in your own adventures means that people will want to know the results, which in the case of a 100 km walk are sore feet, plenty of extra knowledge on the French Revolution and a sense of accomplishment. It's daunting putting your personal life out there, especially if it's a traumatic experience that sent you to a police cell and gave you a fear of the outside world. Yet if your audience knows a bit more about you, then they can relate to you more. Besides, you know yourself the best, so you have plenty to write about.
RAMBLING IS FUN
Writer's block tends to stem not just from a lack of ideas, but also a fear that whatever you write will be received with hatred and will result in flaming bags of dog poo being placed on your doorstep. The Internet is a very salty place (just go on to any Reddit feed about Star Wars) but at the end of the day, sod what they all think. Yes, there has been plenty of talk in this post about how to be relevant and keep your target audience interested, but if you just want to ramble about something then do it. It's better than admitting defeat and leaving your blog bare for a brief period of time, making people think that either something is wrong or the wonderful journey has come to an end. The fight between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor may prompt a ramble about the glory of baking in order to determine who the greatest fighter in the world truly is. Seeing one rude patron in your local Costa could lead to a historical adventure into our love of, and addiction to, coffee. Remember; there will always be someone out there who has an interest in what you have to say. Rambling is your friend, and will show the world how insane your thought process really is.
So, have we learned plenty today then? Well let's hope so, and perhaps you're clever enough to see through the clever ruse deployed here. Perhaps this certain blogger had his own writer's block and wrote about how to overcome it in order to hurdle this obscure obstacle. That's pretty meta, come to think of it. Either way, these are just some helpful tips that may come in handy in the future, and while the list isn't extensive it's a good starting point to beating back the block and getting back on track. Don't let your fears of failure hold back your writing prowess, as there is always something to write about. Even though there are plenty of people out there who use social media platforms to spread hate, a lovely post about something awesome like 'Stranger Things' will be a welcome break from politics and other gloomy subjects. Spread some joy!
Ben G 😁 xo
P.S. This is the look of a man who had his entire Wednesday basically wasted standing around in Portsmouth for a job interview that was for a company that only pays in commission and can only secure promotion by enrolling more people who make sales. Not impressed, but I did enjoy my Costa in the sun before telling the guy conducting the interview I wanted no part of his scheme.
We've all stubbed our toe before, right? That intense pain streaking through your body, the agony of impact and the sense of betrayal that a part of our body so small could cause so much strife. It feels as if the end has finally come, as Saint Peter stands before the pearly gates and looks on with sympathy as he reads that the latest arrival in heaven died of a vicious toe stubbing. Toe stubbing is quite awful, as are the majority of bodily injuries, but for a writer the worst pain to feel is the dreaded curse of 'writer's block'. It is the affliction of hitting a creative wall, and bashing your head against this mental wall has no effect on breaking it down. It hurts- a lot.
With 'Absolute Shambles' slowly meandering through its second year of existence, there have been plenty of times when I've thought to myself that I might have finally hit the point of running out of topics. That's when I have to use all two brain cells, sending them into overdrive into deciding what kind of nonsense shall enter the hallowed hall of posts. So this week, in order to raise awareness of this crippling ailment, here are some handy tips from the mind of Ben on how to beat back the block and get them words flowing!
 |
| Behold, my impeccable writing talent |
OK, maybe this could be phrased better. This isn't a seal of approval to go out there and plagiarise other people's content and pass it off as your own. In the world of writing, that is what is classed as a 'dick move', or plagiarism is you want to get technical. By 'steal other people's content', I mean do a bit of content curation. It's a fancy phrase for picking out the best content out there and collecting it altogether to form some sort of list. For example, compile a list entitled 'Best Blog Posts This Week On Britain's Obscure Weather Situation' and find the articles that are could provide scientific reasoning behind the erratic weather, or the hilarious ones that showcase how people are dealing with this strange climate. Hell, you could just talk about the weather anyway! After all, it is a proud pastime of the British people to either praise/ moan about the weather, and many a conversation have been saved by relying on this simple but effective social mechanism.
 |
| Thank you weather, you saved the day! |
Our well-connected digital world may seem like a dystopian nightmare for some (which should delight the majority of us), but it does allow us to learn of all the latest developments in the blink of an eye. Those handy BBC Breaking News alerts mean that you're up to date with important stories that matter. Sporting triumphs, political disasters, a tragic death; there are plenty of events that will set off the little BBC News theme tune. The fact that these stories are breaking are not just because of the personal notifications set on what news stories to receive, but also because they are SUPER IMPORTANT. That means that everyone needs to know about them, and thankfully your phone has informed you of this. Keeping an eye on what is trending on Facebook, Twitter or any other social media platform where you can check the analytics is handy as well. If everybody is talking about whether or not it is ethical to pierce your child's ears, then you might as well throw your opinion out there. By the way Kylie Jenner, bit of a risky move piercing your five-month-old daughter's ears just for a bit of media buzz and a few new Instagram followers.
 |
| All parents are different... |
SPY ON YOUR FRIENDS
OK everyone, calm down. Once again, some explanation is needed here. Seeing what's trending on the news or on social media in general gives you an insight into what the whole world is yapping about, but it might not necessarily be what YOUR world is talking about. News stories, such as gun control, always gain a reaction regardless of what social group you're in since the issue is such a divisive topic. But going back to the example above, not everyone will care about baby ear piercings since they aren't parents or don't give two shits about the life of a reality TV star. Knowing what engages and excites your audience is a way to not just get the post read, but also creating a wider discussion. Internet memes are an integral part of our lives nowadays, so writing a post arguing about their worth as a future academic resource will peak people's interest as it makes people wonder how such an hypothesis can come about. But seriously, historians will archive every meme out there and do research into why everyone got so obsessed about how 'it's coming home'.
 |
| Keep believing, football will come home |
WRITE ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCES
The world is a big ol' place, so go out there and explore it! Perhaps you could write about trying a brand new exercise class and how you quickly realise that you're the only guy there, or going to a city that you've always wanted to travel to. It may have been a trip planned for months in advance, or a spontaneous jaunt onto FlixBus or Skyscanner showcased prices of £10 and a packet of Doritos there and back. This may inspire others to try out something new, or to just take your word on the class/ city and try it for themselves. Alternatively, dive into the box of childhood memorabilia and dig out something that gave you great joy growing up. Maybe it's starting a career on FIFA 13 with the glorious power of hindsight and seeing how far video games have come in the last few years. On the line of travelling, perhaps going to a familiar place and doing it a bit differently could be a potential post. While it's inevitable that you end up at the typical tourist destinations (one can never escape the Eiffel Tower, for example), becoming an eco-tourist for a day could present a whole new side to this once recognisable place. Once back in front of the laptop, it's time to talk about that sick vegan place on the backstreets of Paris, just to make everyone jealous of course.
 |
| I never took a picture of that vegan place, so here's the Louvre |
BECOME A CRITIC FOR A DAY
Humans are very judgmental beings. Whenever the chance arises to express an opinion, the majority of us will open up and either rant or praise the topic at hand. Perhaps it's on how your favourite video game series did a prequel sequel, or the obvious socialist undertones in the divisive film that is 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi'. Either way, talking about the latest releases in the world of entertainment not only shows that your content is relevant since everyone is either praising/ having a strop about the most recent title in the Star Wars franchise, but also that you're brave enough to put your voice out there. That's the joy of the Internet really; everyone wants to say something, but sadly the language used might be a bit... rude, so to speak. It doesn't just have to be media either, as there is a big wide world out there ready to be explored. Linking in with trying something new, write a casual review of a restaurant with an exciting niche or a mass social event like a festival. Another suggestion could be reviewing a major international sporting tournament and passing it off like an extremely elaborate and well-presented awards show, which are totally legitimate awards as well.
 |
| Yes Kylian, that belongs to you now |
YOU'RE SO VAIN
Some topics get a lot of traffic, and in the opinion of this humble young adult the two that generate the most are health and fashion. There's a reason why shifty adverts appears on websites that claim 'eating this one WACKY fruit allowed this woman in [insert your location here] to shed 2000 pounds!', and that's because everyone wants to get fit. While there is an ironically unhealthy expectation on what the average person should look like, it still peaks our interest in what self-entitled health experts deem to be the perfect strategy in looking good. Writing about personal health stories can be a source of inspiration for others, and a chance to act vain by showing off those nice new clothes that fits like a glove (don't shove). Those new clothes can also be written about as well, as everyone is always on the lookout for some new fashion choices and people would be dying to know where you got those sweet new Jordans from. Well, there's a magical place called 'China' and, goodness me, they sure look good. Think they go well with that new shirt as well.
 |
| Modern day style icon, who may be obsessed with Kylian Mbappé |
MAKE SOME PREDICTIONS
Channel your inner Nostradamus and make some insights into the outcome of sports, new media releases or some political permutations. There's a chance that your favourites for the World Cup crash out in the group stages and that brings a slight redness to your cheeks, but that's the fun of making predictions! It's a great chance to show everyone how excited or sceptical you are about an upcoming event or release, and there's a great chance that your audience has an interest in it too. Doing a follow-up post not only keeps the writing juices flowing, but allows you to write about the future of the event/ release you wrote predictions on. Will the team that won the World Cup now assert their dominance over world football for the foreseeable future? Is the latest title in this well-established film franchise a sign of a downhill spiral or an ambitious new creative direction? There's no harm in making a few predictions here and there. Just be careful when writing about politics; after all, who would have thought that Donald Trump would become President and slowly drive the world insane?
 |
| He just keeps making appearances in this blog- I should charge him rent |
PLAN, PLAN, PLAN
No matter how you phrase it, if you fail to prepare then prepare for failure. With writing, it is hard to predict what topics will be relevant in the next few weeks, especially as the world is constantly changing and a piece of news you think is relevant may not be as important as first thought. An election or the beginning of the football season are pretty much set in stone, so at least you know that these sorts of things will be relevant when they finally come about. But what about that stuff in the middle? Google, Facebook or any other social media platform can't predict the future, so that horrible gap between weekly posts becomes a chasm that widens by the second. It's a tricky predicament, but all is not lost. It appears that everything has a national day nowadays, so open up the calendars and find something bizarre (2nd August is National Colouring Book Day, by the way). There's nothing wrong with mooching off other holidays as well. For example, the 4th of July is just another day for a British national, but across the pond everyone goes nuts about cheating (the Americans basically relied on foreign assistance) in their war for independence. If you know some Americans living abroad, then see how they celebrate their national holiday in a foreign land. It's always nice to cross the cultural boundary, especially if you're British and Brexit is making everything rubbish.
 |
| Oh it look so pretty |
LET'S GET PERSONAL
Nowadays, technology means the need to socially interact with people is deteriorating as fast as the polar ice caps. Companies are always trying to appear more 'human' with their social media campaigns, utilising memes to speak the younger demographic or answering every comment with plenty of exclamation marks and a calm demeanour to how a frozen rat was found in a pack of Cornettos. The same can be said about blogging. Churning out posts every week is great and all, but to your audience you're just another writer. Open up a little about some personal experiences to give readers a bit of an insight into your life. If you're going to walk 100 km for example, give reasons why you're taking on such a feat. Have you got something to prove? If you're doing it for charity, why do it for that particular charity? Maybe you just like walking! Driving up interest in your own adventures means that people will want to know the results, which in the case of a 100 km walk are sore feet, plenty of extra knowledge on the French Revolution and a sense of accomplishment. It's daunting putting your personal life out there, especially if it's a traumatic experience that sent you to a police cell and gave you a fear of the outside world. Yet if your audience knows a bit more about you, then they can relate to you more. Besides, you know yourself the best, so you have plenty to write about.
 |
| A very relieved man |
RAMBLING IS FUN
Writer's block tends to stem not just from a lack of ideas, but also a fear that whatever you write will be received with hatred and will result in flaming bags of dog poo being placed on your doorstep. The Internet is a very salty place (just go on to any Reddit feed about Star Wars) but at the end of the day, sod what they all think. Yes, there has been plenty of talk in this post about how to be relevant and keep your target audience interested, but if you just want to ramble about something then do it. It's better than admitting defeat and leaving your blog bare for a brief period of time, making people think that either something is wrong or the wonderful journey has come to an end. The fight between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor may prompt a ramble about the glory of baking in order to determine who the greatest fighter in the world truly is. Seeing one rude patron in your local Costa could lead to a historical adventure into our love of, and addiction to, coffee. Remember; there will always be someone out there who has an interest in what you have to say. Rambling is your friend, and will show the world how insane your thought process really is.
 |
| Looking classy in an apron and a Boston Bruins jersey |
So, have we learned plenty today then? Well let's hope so, and perhaps you're clever enough to see through the clever ruse deployed here. Perhaps this certain blogger had his own writer's block and wrote about how to overcome it in order to hurdle this obscure obstacle. That's pretty meta, come to think of it. Either way, these are just some helpful tips that may come in handy in the future, and while the list isn't extensive it's a good starting point to beating back the block and getting back on track. Don't let your fears of failure hold back your writing prowess, as there is always something to write about. Even though there are plenty of people out there who use social media platforms to spread hate, a lovely post about something awesome like 'Stranger Things' will be a welcome break from politics and other gloomy subjects. Spread some joy!
 |
| Chuck approves |
Ben G 😁 xo
P.S. This is the look of a man who had his entire Wednesday basically wasted standing around in Portsmouth for a job interview that was for a company that only pays in commission and can only secure promotion by enrolling more people who make sales. Not impressed, but I did enjoy my Costa in the sun before telling the guy conducting the interview I wanted no part of his scheme.
 |
| No time for this bullshit |
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