Absolute Shambles

'So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye'- 'So Long, Farewell' from The Sound of Music , 1965 Post Number 100. The bunting has been hoisted out of the cupboard and is now strung up in all its glory. Caterers are hurriedly preparing a lavish spread for the exclusive event that surrounds such a historic moment, which will be attended by the biggest celebrities on the planet. People such as Barack Obama, Sir Patrick Stewart and LeBron James are waiting for the gold envelope to slide through the letterbox and invite them to the prestigious gathering. Celine Dion is warming up her vocal cords to sing a duet with Ed Sheeran, who will perform a special song written by Pharrell Williams. Dwayne Johnson and Channing Tatum will be running security for the night, hoping to keep out any party crashers who want to catch a glimpse of this humble blogger and his famous entourage. Seriously, this makes the Oscars look like a primary school disco. Master of Ceremonies Sadly, ...

'The first draft is just you telling the story'- Terry Pratchett When you have spent a large portion of your life reading, writing and researching, one might term you to be some sort of 'academic'. This humble blogger does have an extensive collection of books and can easily find access to a pipe or smoking jacket, but would certainly not class himself amongst these titans of literature. Yet the pull of being accepted into this cult (surely there are rituals and secret handshakes being conducted in their secret meeting places?) is a strong one. The thought of diverting time and effort into creating a piece of work that someone might actually find useful as either a scholarly work or handy doorstop is intriguing. Writing a dissertation was difficult enough, especially when translating German and Russian documents, but it was good conditioning if you wanted to pursue even higher levels of education. Besides, history is awesome , so it was all totally worth it. This i...

'Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity'- Hippocrates As a historian, I always enjoy a good anniversary. It seems pretty morbid and twisted to celebrate destructive conflicts, for example, but it is integral to remember the pivotal moments in history as a reference to how much has changed over the years. The passing of the First World War's centenary brought about beautiful images of remembrance across the globe, even though controversy surrounds the potential political hijacking of the remembrance poppy.  Events like these deserve the greatest amount of commemoration, much like a wedding anniversary does on a more personal level. For me, a very important anniversary just occurred, yet required no great act of remembrance or a themed present. It has now been over a year since I was falsely accused of being a menace to society by 'exploring my body openly' in a public place and then making inappropriate advances towards a y...

Dear 18-year-old Ben, Hi, it's Ben... from the future. You may be wondering to yourself how you came across this letter. Is it time travel? Is it a practical joke from any one of the numerous people who get a boner out of making fun of you? I guess it's a bit of both, since technically this is from the future, and you are the person who takes the piss out of you the most. Before we get bogged down in whether I am breaking the space-time continuum, we should get to the point at hand. This is a letter from your future self at the tender age of 23, writing to you for one simple reason; to get you excited for the future. Now, the future is scary, let's not beat around the bush here. You're thinking to yourself, 'I don't know what I should do with my life. Am I destined for incredible failure?' There is no need to fret, because you're growing up and there are millions of people out there going through the exact same thing. Take pride in being unique, but ...

'There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write'- Terry Pratchett We've all stubbed our toe before, right? That intense pain streaking through your body, the agony of impact and the sense of betrayal that a part of our body so small could cause so much strife. It feels as if the end has finally come, as Saint Peter stands before the pearly gates and looks on with sympathy as he reads that the latest arrival in heaven died of a vicious toe stubbing. Toe stubbing is quite awful, as are the majority of bodily injuries, but for a writer the worst pain to feel is the dreaded curse of 'writer's block'. It is the affliction of hitting a creative wall, and bashing your head against this mental wall has no effect on breaking it down. It hurts- a lot. With 'Absolute Shambles' slowly meandering through its second year of existence, there have been plenty of times when I've thought to myself ...