The 100th Post: The End of 'Absolute Shambles'

'So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye'- 'So Long, Farewell' from The Sound of Music, 1965

Post Number 100. The bunting has been hoisted out of the cupboard and is now strung up in all its glory. Caterers are hurriedly preparing a lavish spread for the exclusive event that surrounds such a historic moment, which will be attended by the biggest celebrities on the planet. People such as Barack Obama, Sir Patrick Stewart and LeBron James are waiting for the gold envelope to slide through the letterbox and invite them to the prestigious gathering. Celine Dion is warming up her vocal cords to sing a duet with Ed Sheeran, who will perform a special song written by Pharrell Williams. Dwayne Johnson and Channing Tatum will be running security for the night, hoping to keep out any party crashers who want to catch a glimpse of this humble blogger and his famous entourage. Seriously, this makes the Oscars look like a primary school disco.

Master of Ceremonies

Sadly, this is all bullshit. There is no great congregation of the most famous people in the world being crafted to celebrate the 100th post of some blog on the Internet. If you ask anyone who Ben Goscomb is, they would look on with bewilderment and go back to their lives of private planes, caviar and subtly boasting about how they can afford a small Caribbean island by posting pictures on Instagram. But who needs those rich snobs! The billions of readers are all that is needed to commemorate an event so gigantic that it puts the Battle of Agincourt to shame (no offence, Henry V/ Kenneth Branagh). Yet a quick look through the stats reveals a significantly smaller readership than the aforementioned 'billions'. We won't dwell on these petty figures, but when you spend your time writing about memes, the Marxist undertones of The Last Jedi and how this guy spends his time walking to Brighton or around the Isle of Wight, then you realise why. Still, this humble blogger has fun typing away and prattling on.

Winner of the 2019 Rambler of the Year Award

It was back in March that this 'Internet personality' announced the impending end of Absolute Shambles due to taking up the sizeable task of writing a book. To run a blog, create the next history best-seller and continue to adult on a day-to-day basis will take its toll on the productivity of this young adult. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through general fitness and meal preparation also take time and effort, and staying both mentally and physically fit is certainly more important than recording thoughts on Donald Trump or the seemingly impossible task of ending a show like Game of Thrones on a satisfying note. With friends and family demanding attention, the craving to bake niggling in the back of one's mind and an increasing pile of video games to indulge in, it seems that the blog is becoming more burdensome as time goes on. What started as a gamble and a 'potentially short journey' has go on for over 2 years, and now it is time to end.

I'm sorry Conan

This isn't a 'let's bash all of Ben's hard work over the last few years' kind of post. Indeed, this should be a celebration for this blog being a fun and relaxing outlet to express one's views and opinions. Some are generic for a typical 'leftie' by championing the cause of legalising marijuana or why Brexit and the surrounding negotiations have overstayed their welcome. It has proven to be a place to talk of the media's unfair portrayal of 'the perfect body' and the ever-increasing need to maintain a healthy mental state of mind in a world that is plagued by environmental catastrophes and rising train fares. Sport has certainly made a fair few appearances on this blog, ranging from praising the achievements of the underdog to trying to accurately predict Premier League champions. My goodness, that's a lot of plugging.

Need to watch out for all the jealous rivals

But wait, the process of praising one's own ego is still going! Don't worry, this won't turn into something that resembles a 'slideshow' episode that most TV shows do when they want a week off work or are just fresh out of ideas (think The Simpsons do one every month or so). Regardless, we have discussed A LOT on this deep dive into the inner-most thought of Benjamin Goscomb. Speaking of TV, and media in general, this humble blogger has tried his best investigating and writing about shows such as Stranger Things (your new favourite teenage drama) and A Very English Scandal (who knew that such a depressing and bizarre true story could be so funny?). Marvel has also been put under the microscope to thoroughly study a cinematic universe so massive and messy, yet damn is it good. Seriously, if you haven't seen Avengers: Endgame then you really need to book a day off. Actually, take a week off- you need time to recover your emotional strength.

The feels are still raw (Marvel Studios)

OK, now we really have strayed into clip show territory. Good thing we aren't reminiscing about all the award posts we did. Remember the 'Extremely Legitimate and World Famous Absolute Shambles 2018 World Cup Awards' or even our celebration/ berating of 2018? Good times... crap, did it again. Need an intervention or a slap to the face.

Marshall, I need you

That's better. Think we need to get back on track and remember the whole point of this post i.e. this is the last one. Perhaps the realisation that this blog is coming to an end explains the violent outburst of referencing previous posts that is now very much cemented in the text of post number 100. To be honest, it feels strange. This blog has been a major fixture of one's life for the past 2 years, and next week it will be a shock to the system when Blogger is fired up in preparation for another exquisite piece of writing about whatever important topic crosses one's mind. Yet Absolute Shambles would be done, no longer the perfect place to complain or praise a certain organisation, individual or event that has been mentioned to death by social media or major news outlets. Now one would have to set up one of those soapboxes in a local park and rant about why everyone needs to stop being a dick. Honestly, life would be so much better if we stop acting like everyone's belief is either wrong or offensive and just learn to understand one another.

Cheers Jeff

The biggest benefit one can take from this adventure in Internet blogging is that, as mentioned before, it provided an outlet to let thoughts and opinions be known. It was flattering to have people talk of their recent readings of one's misadventures/ thoughts on the latest Hollywood blockbuster, as it showed that there was at least one person reading these ramblings. It provided an incentive to keep going, even if writer's block was blocking any notion of work being done, as perhaps this person would be keen to read more or even share this blog with friends and family. Indeed, getting 'personal' was when the feedback and comments would come rolling in. Don't worry, it wasn't an elaborate scheme to boost readership numbers or a desperate plea for attention. Then again, one did receive plenty more engagement when writing about THAT incident back in November 2017.

You remember that, right? The accusation, exile from adult society, a horrible feeling that one's life would never be the same again if lies triumphed over truth? No? Well it was rubbish, no doubt about that. While it was glorious to spend time expanding the skill set and finding time to venture to Paris for a cultural trip (it is worth a mass, after all), one felt like they were a burden rather than a benefit to society by sitting at home and waiting for the police to say 'don't worry Ben, everything's cool now'. Yet the one good thing to arise from this traumatic ordeal was, after writing that post and announcing on social media the events of that day in November (all for attention, obviously), the feedback and support from people. Only a select few knew about what had happened/ allegedly happened, and to have friends who had not been seen in years giving their best drew tears from this humble blogger. It reminded this guy that, even when feeling so alone and isolated, there was always a strong support base to rely on.

Only the best

So, thank you. It seems a bit anti-climactic to just say thanks after 100 posts about God knows what, but thank you, nonetheless. Even though it is painfully obvious that this blog has had absolutely no effect on the general structure of society, it has been a blast rambling on about whatever is deemed to be worthy. But now comes the task of writing a book- well, 'book' is a bit of a stretch since it will just be a collection of made-up quotes, a blurb about why that event is important and probably a crudely drawn picture of that particular moment in history. Cor, drawing the Battle of Trafalgar is gonna be fun! On the topic of history, one also has to make sure they squeeze in a mention on the Toronto Raptors winning their first NBA Finals. Trust the Canadians to break the dominance of the Golden State Warriors.

We the North (Getty Images)

Have a chortle over what sort of incredible creative feats may arise from 'Trust Me, I'm A Historian', as it will have to serve as your dose of humour from this soon-to-be former humble blogger in the meantime. Is it now 'humble author?' Technically not since the book isn't even published or done yet. But, once more, thank you so much for all your support. It's been an absolute pleasure to trawl through article after article to get a good overview of a topic. Even though these posts consumed so much time and effort, it's been absolutely wonderful to have such a simple output to express opinions or inform the general public of any anecdotes from one's life. Overall, think it's fair to say that this has been an absolute shambles.

For good measure, here's the tuna picture

Ben G 😁 xo