The Extremely Legitimate and World Famous 'Absolute Shambles' 2018 World Cup Awards

'Russia... is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma'- Winston Churchill, in a radio address to the nation, October 1939

It's done. It came about so quickly and in a flash it was over. We all waited patiently for four years. The World Cup has been and gone, but my God what a tournament it was. Hosted by a nation that many thought wouldn't be up to the task, Russia delivered well above expectations. Incredible goals were scored, VAR made life extremely difficult for everyone and for a whole month the English nation came together and forgot about the horrible political climate tearing the government apart. The talent of tomorrow made a name for themselves, yet the 'golden oldies' still had a trick or two to show the young whippersnappers that will one day become the biggest names in world football. Goliaths fell to the most unlikely of Davids, as accumulators were ruined and pre-tournament predictions meant the majority felt slightly foolish. Neymar was assassinated multiple times as he repeatedly fell to the ground in a tumble and rolled around 'in pain' with his final breaths. At the end of the whole thing, France stands above the rest after beating Croatia 4-2 in the final. After being robbed of European glory back in 2016, they are deserved winners. 

Well done, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys 

But fear not, for it's time for the extremely prestigious and internationally renowned 'Absolute Shambles World Cup Awards'. Money is tight, so we can't afford a glamorous ceremony, but once I save some money I'm sure I can buy some cheap trophies and send them by second-class mail to the worthy recipients. That would be the right thing to do since that's what they all want in the end. Who cares about getting their hands on the World Cup trophy anyway? It's all about getting a plastic trophy bought in some shop in Aldershot with a card attached saying 'Well done fella, you deserved it!' Players will put them on their mantelpieces and will pass from generation to generation as precious heirlooms that will fetch for thousands in the future. I hope that I see some of that profit in the future- that would be fair, right? But enough about my financial future, it's time for the first category!


THE 'I CAN'T STOP WATCHING' AWARD FOR GAME OF THE TOURNAMENT

There have been some fantastic games over the years in the World Cup. In 2014, for example, we saw the Netherlands crush world champions Spain 5-1, avenging their loss to them in the final back in 2010. In the same year, Germany humiliated hosts Brazil 7-1 on their march towards securing their 4th title. This year, we haven't been starved of choice. Croatia magnificently dispatched Argentina, finalists in 2014, 3-0 in their group stage meeting, and England put six past Panama to romp into the knockout stages of the tournament. France and Argentina met in the round of 16, with three spectacular strikes from Kylian Mbappé, Benjamin Pavard and Ángel di María making it a match to remember with its 4-3 scoreline. Belgium's epic comeback from 2-0 down to 3-2 winners against Japan was a tale of twists and turns as it appeared that Belgium's golden generation was about to crash out again. But out of all the games, the best occurred on only the second day of the tournament, as Portugal played Spain.

Could this be the year when the Belgian golden generation come of age?

When the two Iberian rivals were drawn alongside each other in Group B, everyone knew it would be a feisty affair. Portugal were European champions, Spain the former European (2008 and 2012) and world champions (2010) - it was just begging to be a good game. The fans were not disappointed. Cristiano Ronaldo put the Portuguese in front early with a penalty, before Diego Costa muscled his way to an equaliser. A howler from David de Gea gave Ronaldo his second of the game and Portugal a 2-1 lead at halftime. Costa thundered home his second, before Nacho redeemed himself with an absolute peach of a volley from the edge of the area to give the Spaniards the lead. But in the dying minutes, the European champions had a free kick in a dangerous position, so only one man had to take it. Shorts pulled up, stance engaged, destined for the top corner as soon as he hit it. 3-3, thank you and good night. Two pre-tournament favourites had faced each other and given the world a treat. It was a sign of things to come. Congratulations Spain and Portugal, now you have to make a schedule for sharing your award.

Destined

THE 'ABSOLUTE PINGER' AWARD FOR GOAL OF THE TOURNAMENT 

In the Spain vs Portugal game, we were treated to two brilliant goals which would set the standard pretty high. Jesse Lingard proved that England could score goals from open play by bending the ball into the top corner during their 6-1 Panama thumping. Denis Cheryshev had Croatian goalkeeper Danijel Subašić glued to the spot as Russia took an unexpected lead in their quarter-final clash. The Belgians made plenty of cases for themselves, with Dries Mertens announcing their arrival at the tournament with a perfectly timed volley to put them 1-0 up against Panama (poor Panama). In their game against Japan, as the clock ticked down towards extra time, goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois cut out a Japanese cross from a corner and instigated a counter-attack. Kevin de Bruyne charged forward and unleashed Thomas Meunier down the right to put the ball into the box. A casual dummy from Romelu Lukaku and a calm finish from Nacer Chadli sent the Belgians through, much to the relief of the fans watching on in Brussels. All are fair candidates, especially Chadli's winner, but I've already mentioned the winner.

Yes J Lingz 

The first knockout game of the tournament saw France take on Argentina in a game with so much potential to be special. Di María had already staked his claim for goal of the tournament after sweetly striking the ball into the top corner to put his side back in the game after Antoine Griezmann's penalty. With Argentina taking the lead early in the second half, France needed a hero, and it came in the form of right back Benjamin Pavard. It was ludicrous, and no right back should have the right to do that, but Pavard said 'Non!' and bent the laws of time and space. From every angle you could see how the ball spun perfectly in the air and out of the reaches of an outstretched Franco Armani. Mbappé was the engine behind France's victory that day, but Pavard was the one who nearly stole the show with the 'pinger' of the tournament. Here's to many more, Benjamin. Bien joué!

Yep, that's what really happened

THE 'HOW DID I GET HERE?' AWARD FOR BIGGEST SURPRISE

Sometimes, amongst the elite of world football, one team just appear out of nowhere and everyone loses their minds. We all need a good underdog story in sport, and the World Cup always throws in one or two to keep the excitement going. Croatia could be called the victors here after reaching the final, but with players like Luka Modrić and Ivan Rakitić they certainly aren't a weak side. Same with England, to be honest, but again stars like Harry Kane and Marcus Rashford mean England are no mere weakling. Instead, think of teams like Sweden and Switzerland. Yes, both are good sides with plenty of footballing pedigree, but they were so well-drilled and disciplined that there were times when you really thought that they could make it to the final four. Switzerland gave the Brazilians a scare when holding them to a 1-1 in their opening game, with a fantastic comeback at the expense of Serbia showing the world what they could. Sadly, their journey was ended by the other surprise package that was Sweden. While a Toni Kroos special prevented the Germans from crashing out of the tournament (well, for the moment), Sweden then showed their ability by putting the Mexicans to the sword in a 3-0 romp to win the group. England ended their run in the quarter-finals thanks to raw pace and set piece brilliance, but Sweden went home with their heads held high. The winners of this award, however, were already home when they bowed out.

They sure love their football

When the main question surrounding Russia going into the tournament was whether or not their fans would behave themselves, you would infer that the team wasn't being given a chance to progress far. Yet in the opening game of the tournament the Russian mullered Saudi Arabia 5-0, which may not seem like a massive achievement but it showed the power Russia had at its disposal- and I'm not talking about their nuclear arsenal. With the new 'King/Pharaoh of Anfield' Mohamed Salah and his Egypt teammates beaten 3-1, Russia qualified for the knockout phases for the first time since 1986, when the USSR was still around. Uruguay may have taken top spot after beating the Russians 3-0, but that was to be expected when you have Luis Suárez, Edinson Cavani and Lucas Torreira to call upon. The Spaniards would play the Russians in the round of 16, and any side would be intimidated playing a side that not only were former European and world champions in the last decade, but also had David de Gea, Andrés Iniesta and David Silva playing for them. Those big names were certainly not expecting to lose on penalties after heroics from Igor Akinfeev sent the Russian nation into a state of euphoria. Croatia was next in the quarter-finals, one win away from a place in the last four. A remarkable strike from Denis Cheryshev got the Russian fans dreaming, but once more extra time was on the cards after Andrej Kramarić's equaliser. A goal apiece for both teams meant penalties reared its ugly head again, but this time there would be no Russian triumph. A 4-3 defeat on penalties ended their dreams, but what a run from the hosts. Now we are all aware of the likes of Cheryshev and the young Aleksandr Golovin. 

Nearly as popular as Putin

THE 'YOU GUYS MESSED UP' AWARD FOR THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS

Some teams, however, are always destined to come up short, and the 2018 World Cup certainly made sure of that. Poland, with Robert Lewandowski and Wojciech Szczęsny leading their 'football renaissance', finished bottom in their group of Colombia, Japan and Senegal. Brazil's new golden generation couldn't get past Belgium, and took too long to assert their dominance in games. Spain wanted their crown back, but sacking manager Julen Lopetegui two days before their opening game against Portugal due to negotiating with Real Madrid about being their new manager certainly curtailed their efforts. Being knocked out by Russia wasn't the glorious way Iniesta and Silva wanted to end their international careers. Likewise, having the expectations of an entire nation placed on one player's shoulders ensured Portugal and Argentina didn't stick around for long. Ronaldo may have bagged himself four goals at this tournament, with Ricardo Quaresma and Pepe (when not diving and acting like a prat) putting in some good shifts, but that wasn't enough to propel Portugal into the latter stages. Both they and Spain drew twice in the group stage, and once Portugal came up against an in-form Cavani and determined Uruguayan side, they were dead in the water. Argentina hoped that Lionel Messi could give the Argentines their first title since 1986, but one man can't do it all. Sergio Agüero wasn't utilised enough, and only a Marcos Rojo rocket salvaged Argentine blushes by beating Nigeria 2-1 to reach the next round. Being held by Iceland and thrashed by Croatia gave me a feeling that Argentina was doomed from the start. Once they came up against the French on their warpath to their second title, their best wouldn't be good enough.

It's a burden being so good

Germany are the clear winners. My goodness me, what a disaster for Joachim Löw and his side. I could make a joke about Germany failing in Russia, but it might be too soon. Manuel Neuer had returned to full fitness, Julian Draxler was finally coming of age, and both Toni Kroos and Thomas Müller were sure to raise some hell. But they lost their first game to Mexico (who were brilliant), fumbled past the Swedes (who were great) and were finally humiliated by South Korea (who were, you guessed it, awesome). They finished rock bottom, and once again the curse of winning the World Cup and going out in the group stage 4 years later had struck again for the third time in a row. Leroy Sané had been snubbed, yet Julian Brandt was one of the only positives from Germany's performance, so it can't all be down to Sane's absence. Rather, there were no leaders, with Philip Lahm, Miroslav Klose and Per Mertesacker retiring from German duty, and their sluggish performances against Saudi Arabia and Austria before the tournament should have had the alarm bells ringing. But Germany are a 'turniermannschaft' (tournament team), and any chance to score would be taken with ease. The game against South Korea was one of frustration and torment, as they just couldn't score. It would be unreasonable to write off the Germans for any success in the future (as people did with France after their torrid 2010 tournament), but for now they are winners of this award. They are also guilty of ruining everyone's predictions, and many a bet was lost on the day they crashed out. 

Some showed no mercy

THE 'ABSOLUTE SCENES' AWARD FOR MOMENT OF THE TOURNAMENT

We have seen incredible goals and witnessed unbelievable matches, but what about those stand out moments in the tournament? They deserve a category, and there are plenty to choose from. Mbappé's staggering performance in their match against Argentina, and against Croatia in the final as well, announced his intention to get his hands on the Ballon d'Or in the coming years. On the topic of the final, Paul Pogba silenced his haters with his best performance in a long time after putting in a solid defensive shift and scoring a ripper to put France in firm control of the match. Ronaldo's free kick against Spain got the whole world talking as he yet again delivered a crucial goal when it mattered most. Thankfully, it showed his poise and talent more than a penalty ever would, even if it was in the last minute against your country's fiercest rivals. 

Hug mmmmmeeeeeee

VAR had plenty of times to steal the spotlight, and each one of its uses (or lack of use if you were an English striker being spear tackled by your Tunisian opponents) was a dramatic moment. Gareth Southgate's waistcoat, Neymar's theatrics and some eccentric celebrations by Argentina legend Diego Maradona and French President Emmanuel Macron all had us chirping about how incredible this tournament was. Some moments want to be forgotten by a few however. In the case of Iranian Milad Mohammadi, he attempted a somersault throw-in and pulled out halfway through. Spare a thought, also, for Belgian striker Michy Batshuayi punting the ball against the post and having it hit him directly in the face on the rebound. That's one way to celebrate Adnan Januzaj's curling finish against England. He saw the funny side though, as he tweeted that 'Fortnite celebrations so overrated bro I had to create something new'. 

Hours of entertainment

But come on, the winner is England beating Colombia on penalties. Now, this could be deemed favouritism on my part, but if I was favouring England then they would have been cleaning house; hell, I could have even found a way to argue that they were the biggest disappointments at the tournament. Yet this side could be no letdown after throwing off the burden of never winning a World Cup penalty shootout. Colombia had topped their group after a wobbly start, and were desperate to build on the success of their 2014 outing that saw James Rodríguez burst onto the scene as the new prodigy of football. Radamel Falcao, Juan Cuadrado and David Ospina were all on board for the task as well, squaring up with Harry Kane, Jordan Henderson and John Stones on their own mission to bring football home. The Colombians certainly made a name for themselves in the game with their lack of sportsmanship and awful treatment of both the England players and the referee, meaning a last minute Yerry Mina header to cancel out Kane's earlier penalty hurt so much more. Extra time passed along excruciatingly, and penalties came to be. The nation began to silently sob.

Falcao slotted it past Jordan Pickford, but Kane was as cool as ever to put England level. Cuadrado slammed it into the top corner, with Marcus Rashford stroking out of Ospina's reach into the bottom left corner. Tension building, Luis Muriel kept up the 100% success rate, and then the inevitable happened; Henderson was denied, and the sobs grew louder. Those sobs, however, were drowned out by Mateus Uribe smashing the bar, and Kieran Trippier tied it up at 3-3. Heroics were needed from somewhere, and Pickford answered the call by getting a strong hand to Carlos Bacca's penalty. Victory was now there for the taking, the years of mocking England's lack of penalty gravitas was about to be cleared, all thanks to Eric Dier. Bottom corner, Ospina couldn't reach it, mission accomplished. Everyone goes mental, 'Three Lions' was on full blast and England's greatest fear had just been overcome. To put the feeling of relief in perspective, it was like waiting for ages to take a pee and finally reaching the promised land of a toilet or handy bush. 'It's coming home', a meme that will one day be part of serious academic study in the future, may have just gone from satire to genuine belief. 

Penalties- piece of piss

THE 'I SHOULD BE DOING HOMEWORK INSTEAD' AWARD FOR BEST YOUNG PLAYER

Players see the World Cup as their biggest chance of boosting their transfer market value and sealing a big move. With player value at astronomical levels, these ambitious athletes will want a big fat cut of the money to buy fancy cars or premier seats at the cinema to watch the latest releases in comfort. From the 32 teams taking part, young talent will always be on display, and Russia 2018 did not let the spectators down. Right back Moussa Wagué (19) of Senegal became Africa's youngest ever scorer at the World Cup with a smashing strike against Japan, and good performances against Poland and Colombia has turned a few heads to take him away from Belgian side K.A.S. Eupen. Benjamin Pavard, Stuttgart's 22 year old French defender, and his 'pinger' against Argentina showed his attacking ability, with his defending skills already proven by adapting from his usual centre-back role to fill in at right back for the injured Djibril Sidibé. Russian midfielder Aleksandr Golovin (22) of CSKA Moscow had already given Arsenal fans a show with his screamer against them in the Europa League, and the opening game against Saudi Arabia showed it was no fluke. With a goal and two assists, Golovin could be a name appearing in the Premier League next year. 22 year old Uruguayan Lucas Torreira has already joined Arsenal for £26.4 million, and will have fans excited with the prospect of being the defensive midfielder needed for so long after being instrumental to the dismantling of Portugal in the round of 16. Finally, Mexican winger Hirving Lozano (22) currently resides in the Netherlands at PSV Eindhoven, but that historic goal against Germany got his name out there, and a glorious run to set up Javier Hernández against South Korea solidified his status as 'one to watch'.

Keep an eye on him

I applaud your efforts, my young friends, but Kylian Mbappé takes this one by a mile. No doubts whatsoever, since he took the Best Young Player Award back to Paris as well as the World Cup trophy. France may have taken a while to get going (that 0-0 draw with Denmark can act as evidence for that) but once the young man took control of the French attack then there was only one outcome to this tournament. When you move from Monaco to PSG for £166 million, one must answer that value with showstopping performances that ignite social media to the point that the temperature of the planet rises to even more uncomfortable levels. In Russia, Kylian did just that. Two goals against Argentina meant that, in his first appearance in the knockout stages of a World Cup, he already had scored more than Ronaldo or Messi have ever done in the latter stages of the tournament. Neither have found the back of the net in the knockout stages, yet Mbappé marches down the Champs-Élysées with the trophy and three goals in the knockout stages. Records tumbled as Kylian Mbappé:

• Became the youngest French goalscorer at a World Cup at the age of 19
• Scored two goals as a teenager in a World Cup match, an achievement only ever done before by Pelé in 1958
• Scored in a World Cup final, and once again equalled a Pelé record as being the second teenager to score in a World Cup final

Couldn't have done any better myself. The pace he put into France's attack was a thing of beauty, and defenders struggled to get close to him as he left them in his wake. Fine finishing as well made sure he finished with four goals at his debut tournament, and will be the centre of many transfer rumours over the summer. Something tells me that PSG won't let this young talisman go though...

'On my summer holidays, I went to Russia and got this thingy'

THE 'KING OF ALL MEN' AWARD FOR PLAYER OF THE TOURNAMENT

It's tough to pick a player of the tournament. However much I would love to give it to Harry Kane for his Golden Boot, penalty poise and unexpected brilliance at being a leader on the pitch, he faded in the latter stages of the tournament when England needed him the most. His teammate for club and country, Kieran Trippier, had an absolutely unbelievable World Cup, being the set piece maestro and had England dare to dream by scoring an early free kick against Croatia in the World Cup; one that would make Cristiano Ronaldo nod his head in appreciation. Denis Cheryshev was the poster boy for the Russian team, scoring a brace in the opening game and blitzing the ball past Croatian keeper Subašić in the quarter-finals. Subašić also had a good tournament with four saves from the penalty spot, yet conceding four in the final ruined his chances at the Golden Glove, which was won by Belgian Thibaut Courtois. Ivan Perišić was Croatia's hero at multiple times in the tournament, with a last minute winner against Iceland and an equaliser against France keeping their hopes alive for winning their first ever World Cup title. Eden Hazard, part of the Belgian golden generation, put aside his average season for Chelsea by scoring three goals, notching up two assists and earning four Man of the Match (MOTM) awards. Real Madrid will certainly be getting the cheque books out now that Ronaldo has departed for Juventus. Kylian could have won this accolade as well, but there was one man who put his heart and soul into every performance, and proved he really was the best midfielder in the world.

Slightly disturbing

Luka bloody Modrić. What else can I say really? Croatia's captain is loving life at Real Madrid, as they dominate the Champions League and continue their eternal struggle against Barcelona for domination of La Liga. His international career is sadly extremely barren, but the leader of 'Croatia's Second Golden Generation' came to Russia to do one thing; destroy all in their path. A penalty against Nigeria got the ball rolling, earning a MOTM in the process, before bringing Argentina to heel in a game where he scored yet again and earned another MOTM award. Although Danish keeper Kasper Schmeichel saved his last minute penalty, Modrić converted in the shootout, as he did against the Russians in the next stage. He assisted Domagoj Vida in extra time, and won another MOTM accolade. Croatia were on fire, and sadly England couldn't put it out. Even though Croatia returns home with no trophy, they still have one of the most creative footballers in the world. His vision is just extraordinary, with a fine strike and a professional attitude to add to a long list of skills. Modrić controls the midfield, putting in vicious tackles and springing counter-attacks that has people screaming 'HOW DID HE DO THAT?' Croatia deserved more in the final, and they might never get a chance so good ever again, but there is one thing that they have that no one else has; Luka Modrić, the best midfielder in the world

Beast

THE 'UNDISPUTED MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE' AWARD FOR TEAM OF THE TOURNAMENT

So of course Modrić and Mbappé make it into my team of the tournament, part of the elaborate 3-5-2 system that Gareth Southgate used for England. Courtois should be in goal due to winning the Golden Glove, but I'm afraid Jordan Pickford is there instead. He didn't have much to do against Tunisia and Panama, and was helpless to stop Januzaj from scoring, but when needed he answered the call. A last minute save, although a futile one, against Colombia was surely the stop of the tournament, and was the bane of the Swedes as their slick play was stopped with ease by the Everton keeper. Even though Croatia eventually got the best of England in the semi-final, once again Jordan made his presence known and only through the fault of his defenders did Perišić and Mario Mandžukić break through and end England's glorious run. Stopping a terrifying Belgian counter in the 3rd place playoff is what clinched it, because if that had gone in then that would have been goal of the tournament. Pickford may have conceded 8, but the amount of extraordinary saves makes up for what on the surface would look like a leaky England backline.

Sorry fella, it's coming home

Who is defending Jordan then? First up is none other than Harry 'Slabhead' Maguire of England. Maguire, along with John Stones, are sure to be the new defensive partnership for England in the coming years, filling English fans with joy and relief. He featured in all of England's games at the tournament, playing the role of ball-playing defender and defensive rock. Not only did he set up Kane for the winner against Tunisia, but a thunderous header opened the scoring against Sweden demonstrating the threat he imposed from set pieces. Thank God for his big head. Raphaël Varane comes in as well, acting as a silent leader at the back for France, proven by how he played every single minute at the tournament. His defensive qualities speak for themselves, and has been part of Real Madrid's success in recent years. Aged only 25 (same as Maguire), Varane will be around for a long time and will just keep getting better. Romelu Lukaku was unable to best him as France clashed with Belgium in the semi-finals, and this was an in-form Lukaku chasing the Golden Ball who had been used to, up to that point, of running rings around defenders. Varane's header against Uruguay calmed the French side down as they achieved a somewhat routine 2-0 win, showing the likes of Olivier Giroud how to do it. Domagoj Vida of Croatia is the 'old man' of this defensive set-up, but is an integral part. Somehow, he beats Dejan Lovren, self-proclaimed 'one of the best defenders in the world', for a place in this team, so Vida must be that good. He really was; an imposing presence throughout Croatia's journey through the tournament, Vida is similar to Varane in that both were unsung heroes of their nation's success in Russia. He put in crucial tackles, one of which against the godly Mbappé in the final, and to survive three consecutive matches that went to extra-time is nothing to be dismissed. Perhaps a big money move is on the way for the Beşiktaş man.

All hail Slabhead

As part of this elaborate formation, we need some wing-backs, and on the right is the third Englishman to make the squad. Kieran Trippier, recently awarded the freedom of the city of Bury, came to Russia in fine form after helping Tottenham finish 3rd, and kept that up to great effect. He created 24 chances, engineered England's set piece dominance, and the free kick in the semi-finals made him only the third Englishman to score in a semi-final (Sir Bobby Charlton and Gary Linekar being the others). It may seem a fault in England's game that the majority of goals came from set pieces, but when someone with Trippier's ability to deliver the ball so well is on your team, then that needs to be taken advantage of as much as possible. On the left is Aleksandr Golovin, another player who announced himself as a potential superstar of the future. Denis Cheryshev was Russia's best player in the tournament, but without Golovin then Russia would have lacked a significant amount of creative flair. Golovin always looked comfortable on the ball, and wasn't afraid to take on any defender in front of him. His ability to take free kicks was shown against Saudi Arabia, and social media exploded as fans demanded that the transfer war chest was opened to bring the young Russian to their club. At such a young age, the occasion of representing your nation at a tournament hosted on your nation's soil didn't overwhelm him. It's that confidence from someone so young that earns Golovin a place here, and possibly in a much more prestigious club in the near future.

Chelsea and Monaco have already been poking around

I'd love to keep praising Luka Modrić, who sits in the heart of this team, but we have already covered his impressive tournament. After all, he isn't the only star on this team. N'Golo Kanté just can't stop impressing me, as he once again humbly gets his hands on even more silverware. When Leicester won the Premier League back in 2016, it was the French midfielder who kept winning the ball back in central areas and unleashing the pace of teammates Riyad Mahrez and Jamie Vardy with damaging results. When moving to Chelsea in their own title winning campaign in 2017, N'Golo just kept playing his game. The man is just too humble, which seems ironic since he puts his body on the line constantly to win back the ball. The fact that Steven N'Zonzi had to give him the trophy since he seemed too shy to pose with it himself shows his modesty at being such a talent. Kanté shares the midfield with Kevin de Bruyne, sadly the only Belgian to make the final squad. It was a tough choice deciding between him and compatriot Eden Hazard, as both were pivotal in giving Belgium their best ever finish at a World Cup. Just like he did with Manchester City this season, de Bruyne was a constant presence in attack, crafting 7 clear-cut chances in Russia and always being a bother to his opponents. It was his quick thinking and lightning-fast feet that propelled Belgium to their last minute winner against Japan, and that goal against Brazil had me out of my seat. Expect Kevin to keep this form up going into the new Premier League season- and N'Golo, the humblest guy around, to do so as well.

I'm a little bit in love

As with Modrić, we already know enough about Kylian Mbappé and his monstrous displays in Russia, so he will have to take a back seat for now. There's only one man (for me, at least) who should partner France's hero in attack, and that's the Golden Boot winner himself, Lord Harry Kane. It's annoying that he plays for Spurs since I would get his name on the back of an England shirt in a heartbeat, but praise be that he's English. Winning the Premier League Golden Boot in 2016 and 2017 cemented him as one of the world's best strikers, and now a World Cup Golden Boot solidifies it. Mohamed Salah winning this year's Golden Boot would have fired up Harry to outdo his rival and shine in Russia. 6 goals in a debut World Cup is not a bad start, even though three were penalties and one was a deflection from a Ruben Loftus-Cheek shot. Yet Kane was England's leader, and overcame the criticism of being chosen as captain over Jordan Henderson, who had just led Liverpool to a Champions League final. While Kane's lack of goals in the business end of the tournament meant England eventually saw their World Cup dreams ripped apart before their very eyes, he is still England's first Golden Boot winner since Gary Linekar in 1986. Harry will be eyeing to break all the records, especially that record of 53 England goals scored by Wayne Rooney. At the age of 24, there's plenty of more football to come from the spit projecting, yet technically gifted, Harry Kane.

Just go easy on Arsenal, OK Harry?

Just to give a clear picture of the team, here it is below using BBC Sport's 'Team of the Tournament' feature. In my opinion, it's a damn good team, and each will receive an award in the mail (providing they all pay for the postage and packaging, of course). 

It is now time to end the award proceedings, and write my final words on Russia 2018. The whole tournament took me by surprise, as back in December 2010 I highly doubted Russia could pull off staging such an event. Yet the Winter Olympics at Sochi were a great success, and the violent Russian fans that patrolled the streets of Paris at Euro 2016 were absent, or had mended their ways. Russia's progress in the tournament certainly played its part in keeping the Russian nationals interested, and it was great to see citizens from various nations coming together to celebrate football. Yet it wouldn't be a World Cup without some sort of controversy.

The issue of politics, racism and nationalism continues to plague the World Cup, as demonstrated by Swiss pair Xherdan Shaqiri and Granit Xhaka making an eagle shape with their hands after Shaqiri netted a last minute winner over Serbia to win 2-0. Both have Kosovar-Albanian roots, and the eagle gesture is associated with Albanian nationalists, with an eagle even appearing on the nation's flag. Fines were dished out (10,000 Swiss francs each) and the pair avoided bans. Separate incidents include fines for the Serbian football federation after a banner was spotted amongst fans, during their team's 2-0 loss to Brazil, containing the number 88, which is used amongst the far-right in Serbia to resemble 'Heil Hitler' (H being the 8th letter in the alphabet). Indeed, a Neo-Nazi banner was spotted in the crowd during Russia's 3-0 to Uruguay, and the Russians were fined as well. 'Pussy Riot' protestors, who oppose the government of Vladimir Putin, staged a pitch invasion during the final dressed as police officers. At least Lovren showed his defensive prowess and pushed one over. 

I'm burning with jealousy 

It was the issue on sexism that took centre stage though. It has become a common occurrence for the cameramen to pan over to the crowd and pick out good-looking female fans. It may seem like a bit of fun, but the issue of over-sexualising women in sport has already led to grid girls being removed from the start of Formula 1 races. Indeed, these female fans are then found on the streets and swamped by over excited male supporters. Female presenters were also the recipients of unwanted attention, as seen when one Brazilian reporter, Julia Guimaraes, was reporting on Japan vs Senegal when a fan tried to kiss her on air. She gave him a stern telling off- 'never do this to a woman, OK Respect.' Colombian reporter Julieth Gonzalez Theran, when reporting on Russia vs Saudi Arabia, had her breast grabbed and was kissed without consent whilst reporting. Theran said that 'we do not deserve this treatment', and after the man had apologised (an apology she accepted) she stuck to her guns and called the incident 'unacceptable and disrespectful'. Punishments were handed out to fans that had sexual harassed female, with some having their FAN-IDs revoked and being asked to leave the country. More steps will have to be taken in order to phase out sexism in football, and hopefully FIFA keep up the pressure in making sure every fan, man or woman, can enjoy the game in peace.

Online community 'This Fan Girl' put out five photos to show proper England fans

Finally, VAR. It's a work in progress, so nobody should be really surprised by the eternity it took to reach a decision. Whilst it added some extra drama to matches, technology should never be the creator of such drama; that job belongs to the players on the pitch. It was useful in making sure goals were not offside or awarding correct decisions when the referee hadn't been paying attention, but it acted as another incentive for players to swarm around officials and demand the system be used. Sometimes it was used 'just to make sure', and other times it was strangely absent *cough* England vs Tunisia *cough* when needed the most. We should all be glad that football is catching up with likes of rugby and cricket, which use the Third Match Official and 3rd Umpire to great effect, but for now it is a work in progress. Its usage will be more widespread over the coming season, so there's hope for it to be faultless in no time. Just need to sort out those wonky lines.

Lines like these deserve to be in a game of drunken Pictionary

For now, we sit in a purgatory of no football. Three weeks from now, Manchester United take on Leicester in the opening game of the 2018/19 Premier League season, in what promises to be another exciting extravaganza of sportball action. As we welcome England's World Cup heroes back onto the pitch, and some new faces as well, predictions are already being made. While it would be easy to say that Manchester City will walk away with the title yet again, take to mind how the Germans failed spectacularly in defending their crown. When Cardiff take on Chelsea, remember how the Russians chipped away at Spain before dealing the decisive blow in a penalty shootout. Finally, when Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang collects the Golden Boot for scoring 100 goals this season for Arsenal, he will look sadly upon his honour and silently wish he had an internationally renowned 'Absolute Shambles World Cup Award'. Just another four years to wait now.

We never did say when exactly football was 'coming home'

Ben G 😁 xo