The Pirate's Life is the Life For Me

'The pirates left the boat in the Thames, next to the Palace of Westminster. They deliberately parked across two disabled spaces, because that kind of behaviour was pretty much the whole point of being a pirate'- from Gideon Defoe's The Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists, 2006

After exploring some integral historical events that occurred during one random week, that warm feeling of history is wrapped around this humble blogger as if it were a blanket that has been on the radiator all morning. There are so many eras and periods that create a large amount of excitement that it is hard to fully determine which one can be deemed to be 'the favourite'. That is a future post in itself; one that could cause a civil war in the historical community and become far more violent than the continuous issue over whether Richard III was a hero/villain. For now, it's worth starting off with a group of individuals that have already crossed paths with 'Absolute Shambles' before. These are those alluring yet violent outlaws that we all know as 'pirates'.

Avast, ye scurvy bastards

The dreams of what one would do with a large lottery win was centred around the idea of negotiating with the government of the Bahamas to convert their capital of Nassau back to the pirate haven it had been in the 17th/18th century. We will ignore all the logistics for now, but you have to admit that it would be cool to be a pirate. Pirates capture our attention for so many different reasons, and they deserve to be collected and written down on a blog curated by a 23-year-old graduate. Some write and vlog about what kind of free-range bread they splashed their gender neutral cash on- this guy talks about naval outlaws. You know which one is better!

He bakes too

As 'Britain's Ocean City' (that's what it says on the sign), Plymouth has strong ties to the maritime history of the British Isles, meaning that it is no great surprise that two modules run by the History department were focused on the Royal Navy and piracy. With both run by a lecturer who was both a leading expert and extremely likeable (Elaine Murphy, you're a hero), it would have been moronic to pass by this opportunity. It was in these sessions that the passion for pirates, and just maritime history in general, was increased to the point that it would one day influence the airtight scheme to utilise a Euromillions jackpot to plunder and terrify the Seven Seas. But why though? What is so captivating about these rogues of days gone by, especially when modern pirates have such a bad reputation? Well, wonder no longer, for we are about to set sail. Raise the black!

Raise the black!

PIRATES ARE AWESOME- I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN BLACKBEARD?

Seriously, just look at a picture of Edward 'Blackbeard' Teach and you will realise why people are so entranced by pirates. The Bristolian had a fearsome bushy beard that was as dark as the dead of the night, with matches hidden under his hat to imply that he had just ascended from the depths of hell. The Queen Anne's Revenge savaged unknowing vessels operating in the West Indies, and Teach ensured that he was but one of the definitive figures in piratical lore. Alongside the likes of the Welshman Bartholomew 'Black Bart' Roberts, who was reported to have captured over 400 'prizes' in his career, the marvellously named John 'Calico Jack' Rackham and Black Sails heartthrob Charles Vane, the Golden Age of Piracy was full of colourful characters. Henry Every pulled off the greatest nautical heist in history by plundering the Ganj-i-sawai, a Mughal treasure ship, and sailing off with at least £600,000 worth of booty- to put it in perspective, that's about £90 million in 2019 money. With returns like that, you can understand why this blogger wants a new pirate republic.

The beard alone is impressive

Let's not forget about the ladies, as the female gender have supplied credible names to the list of famous pirates. Anne Bonny and Mary Read are the two most common answers to the question of 'who are the famous female pirates?', mainly due to being part of Rackham's crew, or his lover in Anne's case. They were notorious knaves, no doubts there, but you can't just list these two and be done with it. Bonny's fellow Irishwoman, Grace O'Malley, was a thorn in the side of Elizabeth I as she maintained a family pastime of menacing English ships, which made her a figure of inspiration to the Irish nation. In the China Seas, Ching Shih took on all opponents, whether they were European empires or the incumbent Qing dynasty of China, as she was reported to command around 40,000 pirates over a fleet of over 300 ships. Sisters really are doing it for themselves. Yes, Beyoncé and Nancy Pelosi are inspirational modern day female figures, but girls should really be looking at Bonny and Shih as figureheads.

What a woman

         THE RELIABLE SOURCE THAT IS MEDIA

What really started the whole 'pirates are awesome' mindset was the publication of Captain Charles Johnson's A General History of Pyrates. Published in 1724, the book was full of biographies of the prominent names that shaped the Golden Age of Piracy, whilst also creating typical pirate tropes such as missing limbs and burying their treasure. Indeed, it is in this book that the 'Jolly Roger' is first noted, which is now the definitive flag of piracy, which had been flown by the likes of Roberts and Francis Spriggs. Johnson's book would inspire novelists such as Robert Louis Stevenson (author of 'Treasure Island') when writing their own tales of pirates, buried treasure and all those wonderful piratical quirks. One book would create a genre that has appealed to so many, and the media has continued this trend. Amazingly enough, this is media distortion that one can get behind.

There's even a Muppets version (excellent film, by the way)

In 1950, Disney released their first live-action film, Treasure Island, and cast Robert Newton as Long John Silver. Newton was a West Country boy (oo ar!) and had a very strong accent; so strong that the dialect of this beautiful region in England became known as 'pirate talk'. Disney had just popularised the West Country accent amongst international audiences by associating this wonderful way of speaking with cutthroat villains. Pirates remained a firm fixture on our screens, more recently with the vastly underrated Black Sails, which is essentially a prologue to Stevenson's classic as a young John Silver rubs shoulders with Captain Flint, Billy Bones and the juggernauts of the Golden Age of Piracy. With Assassin's Creed: Black Flag easily the best pirate game to ever be conceived and Disney cashing in on a random ride at one of their theme parks (you know which one), the media has had a strong hand in making people all giddy over pirates. One could go on about pirates on the screen, but there's a limit... OK, one more- Captain Pugwash. Actually, tell a lie; Gideon Defoe's book series The Pirates! is hilarious and the film they made loosely book on their Adventure with Scientists is darn good.

You flirt

FRILLY SHIRTS, RUM AND SHANTIES- WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE!

Johnson's book distorted the public's view of pirates from one of vicious criminals to mysterious and exotic legends. 'Distort' is a harsh word, but it's the same as glamorising any dubious moment in human history. But the cycle of turning pirates into something more marketable (Disney, you cunning bastards) has created a typical image of a pirate. The strong West Country accent, peg leg and parrot on the shoulder, holding a cutlass and standing magnificently on a galley that is surging through the bright blue ocean- now that's a good life. Better still, the drinking culture that comes with a life of piracy certainly makes it even more glamorous. 'Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum' writes Mr Stevenson, as he himself takes a swig of grog (that's water mixed with rum, by the way). One would rather have a lime and soda as part of the teetotal life , but if performing the correct mannerisms that shouldn't really matter.

Beautiful

The perfect partner to consuming alcohol is having an immaculate dress sense, which comes as part of the package of leading a life of piracy. Adorned in poet shirts, stripy pants and a tri-cornered hat if in charge of this crew, it's standard clothing that everyone can enjoy. Slap on some jewellery, slip on those leather shoes and slide that cutlass out of the scabbard to complete the attire. You see, it sounds so cool! With all the alcohol flowing, a shanty begins to raise the morale of all who sail under the black as they perform their basic duties. It helps to keep some sort of a beat so the functions of the ship can be carried out smoothly and efficiently. The thoughts of searching for massive hauls of treasure, alongside a love for drinking and meeting maidens that reside at every port these pirates visit, keeps everyone motivated. Across the vast oceans and seas, aboard magnificent examples of maritime architecture- the pirate's life is the life for all of us!

Tough choice between the Queen Anne's Revenge or the Picanto...

A FANDOM THAT ISN'T TOXIC AND SALTY (LOOKING AT YOU, STAR WARS)

Fandoms can be dangerous, with their brutality making conflicts of times gone by look like casual picnics in the park. Just look at the Star Wars fans that detested The Last Jedi so much that they took their frustration out on Kelly Marie Tran, who played Rose Tico, and forced her off Instagram. A section of Rick and Morty lovers self-congratulate themselves on understanding the humour of this show, bragging of how 'average people just don't get it'. The 'Logang', disciples of that deplorable Logan Paul, are just ignorant kids crusading against the 'haters' who have the audacity to criticise the idol that is using their stupidity to sell merchandise. Even the 'Bro Army of PewDiePie can't see the intentional racial slurs, sexist comments and rape jokes that populate his videos, pushing their devotion to the extent of hacking the Wall Street Journal and Google Chromecast. Some people really do take their love of someone/ something way too far at points. Thankfully, the fandoms this blogger categorises himself in spends their time making memes and fanfiction (although those can be nasty...).

Their relationship is complicated, according to the Internet

Modern day pirates, besides the ones that operate around the Horn of Africa and Indonesia, are absolutely delightful. One podcast that populates the vast library built upon an ageing iPod touch is Under the Crossbones, created by a comedian/ musician who interviews the colourful characters that make up the pirate fandom. From writers and actors (he once interviewed Ray Stevens i.e. Blackbeard on Black Sails) to sail makers and underwater archaeologists, it's a brilliant podcast that brings joy and excitement when it pops up in the Subscriptions feed. Podcasts are fantastic in general, but hearing about the lives of the characters interviewed by Phil Johnson is interesting and wholesome. Much like the reenactors that participate in Viking activities or Civil War brawls, for example, time and effort is spent on creating periodically accurate costumes to wow their fellow pirates and provide a precious educational tool to all those that harbour curiosity on the subject of piracy. There are a multitude of festivals and days dedicated to celebrating the marauding mariners of the past, and one day this humble blogger will investigate further.

The glasses help to increase research levels

STICKING IT TO THE MAN WHILE UPHOLDING DEMOCRACY

It's clear to see that our modern society has a rather sizeable wealth gap that puts the Grand Canyon to shame. While we have some more tolerable billionaires such as Bill Gates or J.K. Rowling, there are those that abuse their power and lead their nations down the toilet (oh, you all know by now who this refers to). History is a clear record of how this gap has never actually reduced; just look at feudalism or the economic/social influences of the French Revolution for reference. In the days where piracy was far more prominent, those that were rooted to the bottom of the ladder wrestled with the idea of leaving home and heading to warmer waters in the hopes of finding their fortune. The pull of an unknown world was a strong one, empowered by the lure of treasure and taking a share of the wealth that they believed they deserved. To be free of their imperial masters was a dream shared by these wantaway souls- and believe it or not, democracy was on the horizon of this new life of piracy.  

Spoken like a true emperor

As these violent criminals stalked their prey, the ships they sailed upon were vessels of democracy. Each ship had 'articles of agreement' (based on the chasse-partie of buccaneers in the 17th century), which acted as a code of conduct amongst pirates that usually included designating shares to each crew member, how to deal with crew conflicts and misdemeanours, as well as general health and safety rulings. Captains were actually elected by their crew in times of strife, and when these captains were sworn in they acted as the executive authority, with their quartermaster being the judiciary and the crew the legislature. Pensions and compensation plans were also included in these articles, and as already mentioned there were guidelines in place to ensure there were no unnecessary injuries while at sea. Crews were made up of not just begrudged Europeans who wanted a slice of the economic pie, but also escaped slaves and former servants who had suffered under tyrannical masters. Getting rich was lovely, but acquiring wealth from their former masters just made it even better.

Thank goodness all this gold came in bar form already

THE VIOLENT BAND OF BROTHERS THAT FORGED A NATIONAL IDENTITY

Pirates sure do sound great. The life of adventure, traversing the roaring seas, free from the claws of oppression on their vessels that champion democracy and liberty. Wait, what do you mean they were violent and prone to sacking entire settlements? And piracy was actually illegal, causing the empires of the world to plough money into resources that would stop the tide of evil? So what you're saying is that pirates... were the bad guys?! NONSENSE! POPPYCOCK! BALDERDASH! Fine, time for some truth; pirates were slightly ferocious at times, and weren't always the nicest of people. Essentially, as we have already mentioned, pirates have been airbrushed throughout history to make them more exciting and 'marketable' to the general public. That's history for you, really. We tend to take some of the best bits and tend to forget the uglier sides of the story, although studies conducted in the present day have begun to pick apart the whole thing. Sorry to say that Winston Churchill, Prime Minister extraordinaire, didn't have high opinions of certain races and peoples, willing to curtail the Indian independence movement to ensure the continuation of the British empire for example. History can suck.

Looks a bit like my Dad, actually

Then again, these scallywags did forge a key component of British identity i.e. our maritime tradition. Privateering was a common tactic employed by the English against the Spanish during the reign of Elizabeth I, with names such as Francis Drake and John Hawkins creating fear amongst their Spanish counterparts. This legal form of piracy created a mindset of England standing up to the 'big dogs' of Europe (the Pope, Spain, Catholicism in general) which resonates today, and has sadly landed us in this whole Brexit mess as Brexiteers 'took back our freedom' from those meanies in Brussels. A statue of Drake stands proudly on Plymouth Hoe, overlooking Plymouth Sound, constantly on watch for any pesky Spaniards that dare to cross paths with the Royal Navy. Nations do tend to look back at prominent historical figures and herald them as heroes, despite their dubious past. George Washington owned slaves, but helped forge the United States. Nelson Mandela helped to dismantle the apartheid system in South Africa, yet was actually on the American's list of terrorists until 2008. Drake raided, burned and destroyed Spanish livelihoods across the Caribbean, all in the name of Queen and Country. So, pirates are fine, right?

I see no ships

Let's bring this extensive ramble to a close, as it's the weekend and there is plenty of sport to watch and potentially cry over. Pirates have a reputation for being aggressive and deplorable, yet were individuals looking to make a name for themselves without having to bend a knee to the powers that be. Edward Teach, Henry Morgan and Anne Bonny were certified badasses as they cruised around the Caribbean, creating trouble wherever they laid their hats. With a fashion sense that would top any of this modern day bollocks, a strong culture of drinking and singing, and a democratic system more true to form than anything that resides in the House of Parliament, it's fair to say that pirates have a case for being the 'cool kids' of history. Vikings are pretty rad (have you seen Travis Fimmel portray Ragnar Lodbrok in Vikings? 😍), as are the Polish Winged Hussars that whizzed down the hill in defence of Vienna in 1683, but pirates hold a special place in one's heart. It's the thought of sailing freely on clear blue waters, surrounded by like-minded people in pursuit of achieving a better standard of living. If that doesn't sound good, then you're crazy.

Leslie Knope once again speaks the truth

Ben G 😁 xo