'We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths'- Walt Disney
We all like a good party, especially when we have the chance to dress up. Our imaginations and creativity can run wild with brilliant ideas of what temporary identities we can make for ourselves for occasions like Halloween or a standard birthday shindig. It certainly helps when you collaborate with friends and family to go as a duo/ group, since you don't have to make as much effort in figuring out what to do for a costume. The light bulb moment to dress as the Kray twins, the infamous London gangsters of the 1960s and 1970s, was perfect; fancy suits, a few props to demonstrate our violent nature and an attitude to raise some hell. Definitely helps that you're actually brothers as well.
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| London's finest |
Yet this would be a brand new adventure, and not just because it was the first time experiencing a proper night out in Southampton. It would be the first night out since going teetotal, enforced due to maintain a good balance of physical and mental health. Indeed, alcohol has become more of a hindrance than a joyful treat as it drains productivity and has just lost its charm overall. Everyone has to grow up, and sadly this path to adulthood has meant that alcohol has parted from it. Nonetheless, 27 October saw Ronnie and Reggie Kray take on Southampton, joined by Pickle Rick of
Rick and Morty fame, Hannibal Lecter and a hamburger. If you thought the Fellowship of the Ring was diverse, you haven't seen anything yet.
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| Squad goals |
It seems fitting to right about this brand new experience and break the trend of going on about political topics like
legalising weed, especially as it is something that many people have discussed i.e. 'Have you ever been in a club whilst being sober?'. That inquiry has now been answered, so here comes a few observations from the eyes of a sober Ronnie Kray. Read on as he tries to have a good time, fuelled only with soft drinks, an upbeat persona and the curious mind of how different a night out was if you avoided the temptation of alcohol.
OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF BEING BORING
So no alcohol shall be consumed... what the hell are you gonna do then?! An alcohol-free evening means that the ease of bringing a large crate or some spirits to a party is gone, and now you're stuck with the dilemma of working out what to drink. Worse still is the prospect of being seen as boring as you aren't drunkenly dancing or stumbling around spouting nonsense of how you could easily take down Anthony Joshua with a powerful hook. It sure is fun to jig around like a maniac and declare your fighting prowess, but you'll learn quickly that you can still enjoy yourself. You can still boogie as if you were possessed by Satan and talk bollocks about any old rubbish; that's just the vibe of the party. Don't shy away from the fun and hide away in the corner. Embrace the madness!
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| Follow Matt's example |
FIGHTING TEMPTATION
After gallivanting through university life, one becomes quite accustomed to the pleasures and pains of alcohol. You develop quite a taste for it, even though you swear never to touch another drop as you scrape your head off the pillow that is covered in both cheesy chips and regret. For teetotallers, it is a struggle to stick to your morals as other party dwellers knock back homemade mojitos and enjoy a few beers with their mates. You feel as if that blasted snake from the Garden of Eden is tempting you with the Forbidden Fruit, yet this banned object is a can of Fosters and the snake is that one 'super cool dude' thrusting a tinnie towards you. It's hard to give advice on how to fight temptation, but the best thing to do is avoid peer pressure and be diplomatic about it. Don't act like a snob when denying a drink; instead, put up your hands and calmly say you don't drink. Mojitos are lovely, but surely intact morals are better?
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| Tough choice... |
THE HARSH CLIMATE IS FELT MORE BY YOU THAN YOUR DRUNKEN FRIENDS
As the climate goes through more sporadic changes than a puberty-ridden teenager, there's no denying that unseasonable weather is a common occurrence. As winter creeps up on us, the lounge trousers are out of the closet and placed on the radiator in a move of tactical brilliance (radiator pants- totally a thing). When on a night out, the chill is felt but the warmth of alcohol keeps you afloat as it wraps around you in an oblivious embrace. Unfortunately, when sober, there is no blanket of comfort produced from that crate of tinnies and your wits are still very much intact. As you trudge down the street ruing the decision to go outside in the first place, a feeling of jealousy emerges against all those under the spell of alcohol. They stand in club queues chatting and laughing away while you try and focus on not freezing to death. Granted, everyone does complain about the bitter conditions, but your brain is fully intact and you don't have dilated blood vessels to keep you warm. This queue better get a bloody move on...
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| We've all been there |
A THOROUGH CLUB ASSESSMENT
Once out of the cold and through the security system of bouncers, outrageous entry prices and awkwardly putting on a wrist band, you enter the club you've heard so much about it. Sadly, you can't see said club as it's shrouded in darkness and only the strobe lighting can guide you through the crowds. Your group forms a human chain to the bar, yet the sticky floor threatens to slow down progress to this sacred sight. One party member turns back to ask you a question but the sick remix of 'Bangarang' by Skrillex drowns it out. Do you laugh and hope it was a joke, or go through the awful process of screaming 'What?' over and over again whilst gesturing to your ear? Not to shit on clubs in general, but when sober you can really take in how grimy these venues are. Then again, it doesn't matter as you let the music take you away. You may be free of alcohol's influence, but that doesn't stop you unleashing your inner dancing demon. The sticky floor just means you have to dance a little bit harder.
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| Truly epic |
ENSURING THE SURVIVAL OF EVERYONE ELSE
Growing up is difficult. Even when completely sober, it's really hard to make decisions and navigate through the labyrinth called life. When alcohol is mixed in, things get a little bit more complicated. Your ability to do anything productive is out of the window and everything becomes a struggle, from walking in a straight line to even peeing in a straight line. These basic human functions are now equivalent to climbing Mount Everest in sandals. Somebody has to make sure that no one dies on this grand adventure through the clubbing world, and it falls partly on you. Admittedly, the majority of us manage to get home more or less in one piece, but that comes after so many different distractions like food, breaking down in the middle of the street to cry or stealing a traffic cone. It comes down to you to guide the inebriated to the promised land of a warm bed and a nice cup of tea. To use another Biblical reference, it's as if you're leading a mass migration through the desert. You're no Moses, but there can be miracles when you believe.
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| God, what a film |
GIVING A SITREP
Memories are precious, and alcohol (both in the long term and short term) damages your ability to keep track of all of them. When on a night out, it's always gratifying to know that the events of last night are blurry since you wake up with limited regret. It's scary not knowing but it's better than crying silently into your pillow since you thought it would be a great idea to give a solo rendition of 'Islands in the Stream'. Then the sober friend comes around to smugly remind you of the complete tool you made of yourself last night. This is, undeniably, a dick move, no matter how funny it was at the time. If you managed to stay sober and are now tasked with recounting the story of the previous evening's epic blend of drinking and dancing, it's better to phrase everything in a way that doesn't make them feel like an arse. It sounds impossible, but from last weekend's experience there is one thing you can try. Lure your hungover brother to McDonald's for breakfast and let him down gently as he tucks into his Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin. That's some good advice.
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| I'm no demigod, though |
BEING HUMBLE ABOUT AVOIDING A HANGOVER
Sunlight streams through the curtains and you slowly open your eyes. You turn to your phone and check the time in order to assess how little sleep you actually got. Satisfied with the solid 4/5 hours of sleep, you tuck yourself back into your sleeping bag or other alternative sleeping arrangements for some extra rest. It seems impossible as the room is filled with drunken snoring, which will eventually be broken as the culprits arise from their slumber. Again, this is the time to not be a smug bastard as you relish in a hangover-free state. You know that everyone else is silently burning with envy towards you as you move around without being weighed down by dehydration, headaches and the desire to curl up into a ball and die. The best thing to do would be to be as helpful and humble as possible; make some tea for your brittle comrades and keep the noise down to a minimum. It's the simple things in life.
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| Tea, you're always there for me |
PEOPLE RESPECT TEETOTALLERS
When out and about, the offers for rounds and sporadic drinks will come in thick and fast. It's lovely to receive this generosity, but their dreams of having beers 'wiv da ladz' are suddenly dashed as you pipe up about wanting a lime and soda. If this was a movie, this would be when the record scratches and everything goes deathly silent. They calmly ask you to repeat what you said... this could get messy. Yet rather than a brawl breaking out that causes half of the Southampton police force to be called into Revs, you're met with a welcoming smile and a handshake. You're given respect for resisting the temptation of alcohol, forgoing the pressure for blokes to be beer-chugging machines. Before their very eyes is something of an anomaly in nature; it would be as if they just saw a unicorn. Instead, they stand before not a mythical one-horned creature but a man who abstains from alcohol. To be fair, most people would prefer seeing a unicorn though.
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| These three would be far better company on a night out |
SO WHAT DID BEN LEARN?
This latest chapter in the chronicle of 'Ben's Catalogue of Nights Out' is certainly an interesting one. It had always been a worry about undergoing a venture like this, as there was a fear of a sober night out being a laborious task or being cast out as boring for staying sober. But it was enjoyable, mostly due to the actions of others and the weird and wonderful things witnessed. Indeed, you become a source of wisdom and authority, especially when a random guy makes you toss a coin so he and his mate can decide whether to buy loads of drugs to keep their night going. True story! Regardless, it was a brand new experience that one doesn't regret in undertaking.
The downsides of feeling the cold and being fully aware of a club's conditions were quickly thrown aside as the costs of a sober night out were counted up. Entry fees and Uber fares were a hit on the bank balance, but when you're dancing like a maniac or making sure that friends and family get home safely then all these are necessary expenses. You may feel the embarrassment of poor dancing since alcohol isn't there to mask the awful truth and convinces you that you're busting sick moves on par with Kevin Bacon in Footloose, but who cares! Don't let the potential tag of 'boring' stop you from enjoying a social event with your friends, because you're there to have a good time like the rest of them. Besides, even though you shouldn't be too high and mighty about remembering everything that happened last night, it will make some excellent stories for the hungover morning of greasy food and trashy films. Teetotaller and alcohol-lover can agree that a morning like that is a thing of beauty.
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| Stay strong, Leslie |
Ben G 😁 xo
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