'Absolute Shambles' attempts to predict Super Bowl 53

'If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?'- Vince Lombardi

After going on about American cultural imperialism and its stranglehold on Great Britain, does it seem appropriate to confirm the ramblings of last week to go on about the Super Bowl? Perhaps it's the fact that one is trying all possible methods to avoid politics, whether it's Brexit or the ongoing struggle between Donald Trump and the rest of the American government over that blasted wall. Saying goodbye to Red Dead Redemption 2 hasn't necessarily helped, although 'Absolute Shambles' has provided a handy guide to dealing with the unfortunate loss of a video game. Enough self-promotion (for now), let's talk about that weird but wonderful game known as 'American football'.

Prepare thyself

Ah, the Super Bowl. Millions from all over the world gather in front of television screens to marvel in one of the biggest moments in the sporting calendar, with at least 80% of viewers wondering what the hell is going on. At both university and home, this humble blogger has acted as a fountain of knowledge to explain the workings of this game. From the numerous penalties that can be conceded ('unnecessary roughness' is a personal favourite) to why the quarterback 'takes a knee' (apart from objecting to the political atmosphere in the United States), American football is a hard game to understand. Scholars have tried for years to simplify American football, and it's as difficult as eating rice with chopsticks while doing the 'Birdbox' challenge. Well, it's better than doing that while driving.

Haven't seen it, too busy watching Arrested Development

In the next thrilling installment of the Super Bowl, the Los Angeles Rams face the New England Patriots in what will be the 53rd version of the biggest game in American football. At Mercedes-Benz Stadium, home of the Atlanta Falcons, these two sides will fight for supremacy over four gruelling quarters of sportball. As fans groan about seeing the Patriots reach another Super Bowl (their ninth under Bill Belichick), there is a breath of fresh air as the Rams reach only their fourth ever championship. When based in St Louis, the Rams triumphed over the Tennessee Titans 23-16 in Super Bowl XXXIV back in 2000, and will be looking to win now that they are back in their spiritual home of Los Angeles. The Patriots have no desire to let a sixth championship win slip through their fingers as it did last year. Literally; the G.O.A.T. Tom Brady dropped the ball.

Never gets old

It's key to remind all you lovely people reading this post that the curator of 'Absolute Shambles' is still very much a novice when it comes to creating content based around American football. One can happily talk away for hours about the other kind of football with the kicking and such, yet American football is still very much a work in progress. While the rules and basic tactics are understood, it is difficult to produce rational thoughts on the depths of the game. If asked about Arsenal and their strengths and weaknesses, a small dissertation can be created that involves player analysis, lashings of statistics and various formations that suit the 'Arsenal way' of playing football. When faced with questions over the one with hulking pads and the 'pigskin', the brain goes into overdrive as a seemingly intelligent answer tries to come together.

Self-designated football expert

Last year, the predictions for Super Bowl LII were filled with statistics and could have made a reader think 'damn, this guy knows what he is talking about!'. Flattering, but sadly misguided. This time around, there will be a sincere lack of stats (a painful omission for us all) in order to provide a more basic and 'real' prediction for Super Bowl LIII. Obvious figures need to be included to help dignify certain predictions and give a general scope of how good a player/ team is, but no ridiculous inclusions unfortunately. You're more than welcome to find the answers to burning questions such as average spins a ball takes when Brady throws or the amount of time taken for the Los Angeles team to fill up all those giant Gatorade containers, which surely has a pivotal impact on the outcome of a game. Predictions are a bit of fun and have given this blogger a chance to natter about England's World Cup chances or the potential outcomes to the latest Premier League season. Right, enough admin, time to talk sportball.

Preach

Let's start with the New England Patriots then, who finished 11-5 at the end of the regular season. The seemingly-dominant Pats are Super Bowl regulars, although they have become infamous for their slow starts to the big game. Under the fearsome gaze of Belichick, only 3 points have been scored by the Patriots in the first quarter of their 8 appearances under Bill. Offensively, the Patriots are on form as Brady has thrown over 600 yards in his last 3 games, having also thrown for 6 touchdowns. Rookie running back Sony Michel has run for 5 touchdowns in his last 2 games, and veteran tight end Ron Gronkowski is still a force to be reckoned with. Yet Tom shall be leading by example and will be the deciding factor behind whether the Patriots win... again.

Yeh, he's OK

Rams coach Sean McVay has no desire to hand the Patriots yet another Vince Lombardi trophy. At 33 years-old, one can dismiss him as a whipper snapper who is out of touch with reality in believing Los Angeles (13-3 in the regular season) can halt the New England juggernaut. But he's 33 and coaching the Rams in a Super Bowl; this guy knows what he's doing. QB Jared Goff was the first draft pick in 2016 as the Rams settled back down in Los Angeles, so plenty of pressure was on the guy's shoulders. While his playoff stats haven't been impressive (483 yards and only one touchdown), Goff helped give the Rams an excellent start to the season and raise some eyebrows. RB Todd Gurley ran in 17 touchdowns and rushed for 1251 yards this season, helped out by offensive tackle Andrew Whitworth providing key leadership and blocking to make the Rams offence a force to be reckoned with.

Can Goff inspire the Rams to victory?

A good offence can't always guarantee eternal glory in the halls of American football stardom, however. A strong defensive contingent is required, and it appears that the Patriots have the edge in this field. Although they shipped an average of 29.5 points in their two playoff games (the highest amongst all playoff teams), their season average was 20.3 and the 7th best ranked in the NFL. New England have been known for their offensive abilities during the fearsome dynasty created under Belichick, so for their defence to be in the top 10 certainly shows a stronger balance than in recent years. To stop Goff, edge linebacker Dont'a Hightower will be looking to blitz hard and fast to stop the Rams receivers getting enough space to execute their plays. First Team All-Pro cornerback Stephon Gilmore will also be seeking to make his presence known in his first season in New England, pumping up his defensive comrades and snuffing out any notion of a Rams victory.

A look of determination (USA Today Sports)

Of course, anything the Patriots can do, the Rams can as well. It would be horrendously unfair for one team to have a defensive line and the other doesn't, right? Los Angeles will be aiming to do one thing when New England assemble their offensive line; get to Brady. In last year's rendition of the Super Bowl, Tom was stripped of the ball in the dying moments of the game as he looked around desperately for a receiver. One could argue that Brady's form determines the fortunes of the Patriots, but last year those crucial Brady-centric moments were the turning points in a game that saw Philadelphia soar to victory. Defensive tackle Aaron Donald will have the Patriots QB firmly in his sights and stop Brady pulling off a quick snap pass that has become a prominent feature of his game. Cornerbacks Marcus Peters and Nickell Robey-Coleman have the task of marking Gronkowski and Julian Edelman (wide receiver) if Brady can get the ball in the air. In the opinion of this humble blogger, the Rams can win if Tom Brady is unable to dictate the flow of the Patriots offence.

'I'm coming for you, Tommy' (USA Today Sports)

The mindsets of these two teams will also be crucial in the great battle set to take place in Atlanta. When the Patriots met the Eagles in Minnesota last year, the brave boys from Philly were expected to roll over. The heart, of course, beat all kinds of logic in an epic underdog tale that essentially prove the incredible prediction powers here at 'Absolute Shambles'. New England won't take any chances this time, and have actually pinned themselves as the underdogs. While the Rams have a superior regular season record compared to their adversaries, we are in the midst of a dynasty reigning supreme since the early 2000s. Seems like a silly title to grant themselves; perhaps they believe that underestimating themselves will give them the boost they need to win yet another championship. The Patriots are winners, and that 'we've been here before, we know how to see this mission through' mindset could either secure their 6th championship or lure them into a false sense of security. It happened last year- they won't want to make the same mistake twice.

Hugs for everyone

Personally, the Rams are the ones that can be classed as the David to New England's Goliath. It was only last year that the Rams finished with a positive win/loss ratio for the first time since 2004 (an 8-8 season), so you can see how hard times have been for the franchise. While the Patriots can throw a strop about being outplayed by the Eagles or having the New York Giants spoil their perfect season back in 2008, the Rams have every right to call themselves the underdogs this time around. Their last Super Bowl appearance came in 2001, losing 20-17 to the Patriots, so will find themselves in this strange but familiar territory of a championship game. What will certainly drive Los Angeles on will be that they are now back on the West coast after spending some time away down in St Louis, Missouri. Having only won championships before the era of Super Bowls, this is actually the debut of the Los Angeles Rams in a Super Bowl. The stars seem to be aligning towards a Rams victory then, and would certainly make an excellent sporting biopic. Still waiting for the one about the 2018 Eagles team, but patience is a virtue.

Many moons ago... (Getty Images)

The time has come- who does this novice of an American football fan thinks is going to win on Sunday night? Having only been 3 points out on last year's prediction for Super Bowl LII, there is a feeling of confidence hanging in the air. So, by the powers of 'Absolute Shambles', it is decreed that the Los Angeles Rams shall defeat the New England Patriots by a whole point. It will be tight as Tom Brady and Jared Goff attempt to outdo each other, with Bill Belichick and Sean McVay watching on in hope that they will be lifting the Vince Lombardi trophy above their heads. Get ready Atlanta, it should be one hell of a Super Bowl. Even Maroon 5 will be there!

Either way, work on Monday is gonna be a struggle

Ben G 😁 xo