Who rules supreme in the battle of Christmas adverts?

'Advertising is legalised lying'- H.G. Wells

Christmas is fast approaching. Temperatures plummet to levels that require anyone brave enough to venture outside to wrap up warm in their finest winter gear. Extensive planning begins on what concoctions shall be crafted in the kitchen this festive season, from the roast turkey served on Christmas Day to the cake drowned in brandy that will make even the heaviest drinker regret having another slice. Black Friday and Cyber Monday have been and gone, once again causing scenes of violence and desperation as shoppers search for bargains. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

These are all very clear signs of the arrival of Christmas, yet perhaps the most telling one is the broadcasting of the adverts. For years now, companies have battled hard to reign supreme in this brand new battlefield of advertisement by tugging at heartstrings and causing the feels to flow. Much like with the Super Bowl and their half-time adverts, the topic of Christmas adverts is now greatly discussed amongst all castes of society. We have had some incredible ones over the years, and 2018 promises to deliver once again. So, which one will come out on top? Before you say anything, we can't just give it to John Lewis since they always seem to win.

Play the victory tune, Elton

The ones listed are not just from the big players such as Waitrose and Sainsbury's, but from other companies like KFC who have thrown their hat into the ring to challenge the supremacy of these titans of UK Christmas adverts. Obviously, more adverts will be released and will certainly make their own case to be awarded the prestigious title of 'Best Christmas Advert', but for now here are some early favourites/ others that deserve a mention. A nice round total of 10, since that's what O.C.D. does to you. From homeless orangutans to adventurous carrots, it's going to be one hell of a contest. Stand by for the greatest battle of the year; one that makes the Brexit negotiations look like a schoolyard scuffle.

When you finally get a 'good' Brexit deal

JOHN LEWIS: THE MASTER OF CHRISTMAS FEELS

John Lewis set the new standard of Christmas advertising in 2011 with that tale of the impatient boy waiting for Christmas, yet it was due to wanting to give presents rather than receive his own. Since then, they have dominated the scene and plan to once again reign supreme with 'The Boy and the Piano'. But this is no ordinary boy; this is Sir Elton John, master of the piano and creator of the greatest Christmas song 'Step Into Christmas'. Feel free to start a debate on this, as this is one viewpoint that shall never be altered.

Another of his iconic songs, 'Your Song', plays on as we move backwards through Elton's career. We see him rock the stage at sold out venues before being transported to small bar gigs and school performances. The struggles he faced before breaking into stardom will add to the emotional ride John Lewis are taking all of us on this time around. Finally, Elton is a young boy on Christmas Day, opening up his rather large present that is revealed to be his grandfather's piano. 'Some gifts are more than just a gift' appears on the screen, and everyone breaks down in tears. Their mission to make everyone far too emotional has once more brought about success. With Elton on board, John Lewis have played a very strong hand. 

Anyone got spare tickets to any of his farewell tour shows?

WAITROSE: PARTNERING UP TO PARODY 

The John Lewis Christmas adverts gain plenty of traction on social media, much to the despair of the unfortunately named John Lewis who receives all the praise and attention each December. All the attention opens a company up for some rather humorous replies, and amazingly enough it's Waitrose that have answered the call with their advert. A young girl gathers her family around the TV to watch the John Lewis advert, who partnered up with Waitrose in this marketing campaign. As Elton appears on screen, the parents proceed to fast-forward through the advert, the mother constantly telling her husband to go faster. No sexual connotations here. 

'Outrageous!' cry the masses. Nobody would dare skip through a John Lewis advert; it's a cardinal Christmas sin! Well, turns out they wanted get back to the Dark Chocolate Orange Stollen Wreath they got from Waitrose. The gimmick is that it's so good, you would have to be mad to tear yourself away from it, even if one of Britain's greatest musicians is the star of the John Lewis Christmas advert. 'Too good to wait' is the tagline, and has appeared in their series of ads to promote their goods this Christmas time. Just to poke more fun at their partner, the father declares his preference for 'the one with the penguin' (2014- 'Monty the Penguin'), as his daughter continues to look on in disbelief. 'Fast Forward' is one thing you don't want to do with this advert, especially with that stollen looking rather good. 

Waitrose have STOLLEN my heart

SAINSBURY'S: THE SHINING STAR OF THE SHOW

Ah, the Christmas school play. Fond memories of children shuffling across the stage as dressing gown-ordained shepherds to see the baby Jesus in his manger, surrounded by any farm yard animal you can cram around an animal feeding trough. Parents hoist their cameras in the air as little Timmy, playing the role of Joseph, declares his joy that the son of God has just been birthed by his wife Mary. Sainsbury's decided that their advert should be based on the great tradition of a school's Christmas show, yet with far more glitz and glamour. The North Star, played by a little girl, opens the show and shyly begins to sing New Radicals' 'You Get What You Give'. It's common to see a child sing on stage and meekly recite the lyrics, but when she sees her mother in the audience the show comes to life.

The curtains burst open as this star finds the heart to belt out this hit 90s single. Out comes a shepherd, a tinsel trio and Her Majesty waving to the crowd from inside a television. Baubles come streaming down the aisle as a Christmas tree rises at the back of the stage, much to the delight of the crowd. Then, just to top it off, a plug leads the Christmas lights onto the stage, jumps into the socket and sends everyone wild. 'The Big Night' certainly lived up to expectations, especially with Michael Gracey, director of The Greatest Showman, overseeing this project. John Lewis may have already utilised schoolchildren to produce their space opera/ 'Bohemian Rhapsody' extravaganza, but the Christmas school play triumphs this time around.

Luckiest kid in the world 

ICELAND: 'CONTROVERSY' SELLS

They say that there is no such thing as bad publicity. If people are watching and writing about something you've done, then you're making an impact. For Iceland, they have done just that by teaming up with Greenpeace and declaring to remove palm oil from their products to save Rang-Tan, a baby orangutan who has lost his home. It had originally been made back in August to coincide with International Orangutan Day, and with Emma Thompson narrating you know you're onto a winner. 'Rang-Tan: the story of dirty palm oil' would be Iceland's Christmas campaign with a valid message. Clearcast, who approve what adverts are appropriate for TV, deemed it to be 'too political' due to its affiliation with Greenpeace. So Iceland took to social media to distribute its advert, as Rang-Tan needed help.

The advert is all about how a little girl finds this bright orange refugee camping in her bedroom, much to her annoyance as it is being a slight burden. Once Rang-Tan explains that he's homeless due to forests being cleared for palm oil cultivation, she sees sense and promises to help her new friend. With Iceland declaring that palm oil shall no longer have a presence in their products, it's a worthy cause deemed to be too political for the festive period. You can always rely on the Internet to kick up a fuss, especially when climate change is affecting our planet. Can social media propel this adorable nomad to victory in the Christmas advert battle royale?

Come on, just look at him!

ALDI: ANOTHER ORANGE-COLOURED WARRIOR FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE 

Companies can sometimes strike gold when it comes to adverts. Compare The Market thought it would be raucously funny to introduce 'Compare The Meerkat' and the adventures of billionaire meerkat Aleksandr Orlov in 2009. Toys, books and a long-running series of adverts has meant that Compare The Market has reaped a large reward. That's just one example out of many ad campaigns that have been a fixture on our screens for many years (don't mention the GoCompare man), and Aldi are now looking to cash in on their anthropomorphic carrot named Kevin. In 2016, we saw him scale the dining room table to highlight what Aldi can offer at Christmas, and last year we saw him fall in love. This year the stakes have never been higher as Kevin the Carrot does battle with the Wicked Parsnip.

Kevin once again hurdles across a deadly table of delicious food to rescue his family and be rid of the villainous vegetable. People shall make ballads of 'Kevin the Carrot and the Wicked Parsnip', which are sure to be sung in the queues gathered to buy a Kevin the Carrot toy. Who doesn't want a cuddly toy of their favourite carrot with a Northern accent? Forget buying a new PS4 or treating the family to a fantastic Christmas holiday, get your mitts on a cuddly Kevin! The luscious tones of Jim Broadbent's voice do justice to the epic trilogy of Kevin the Carrot, which is already tipped to rival The Lord of the Rings for the title of 'Greatest Trilogy of Our Time'. Well, it might.

The true hero of Christmas 

HEATHROW: THE BEARS ARE BACK

That's right, Heathrow do Christmas adverts- what of it! Much like Aldi's Kevin, the Heathrow Bears made their debut in 2016 as they came home to their family for Christmas. A year later, in a similar fashion to that adventurous carrot, we saw love unfold on our screens in a retelling of how the bears first met on board a flight in 1967. The decades roll by as Heathrow serves as an important location in the story of the Bairs (they're called Doris and Edward, in case your heart hasn't melted already), and 2018 is no different. This time, they are enjoying their retirement in sunny Florida, trying to make their Christmas as homely as possible in the scorching heat miles away from home. Seems a bit inaccurate, as the elderly bears manage to have no problem dealing with video calling on a tablet. Seriously, it's painful seeing grandparents deal with modern technology.

The Bairs decide, 'Bollocks to this, we're going home' and hop on a plane heading for Heathrow. They pack up their presents, stopping by Duty Free to pick up some more on the way as Heathrow apparently serves as a worthy substitute to a major department store. There's always time to pick up some shortbread though, which has been a common theme in these adverts. Our elderly bears surprise their family and warm embraces are exchanged all around. 'The Heathrow Bears Return' once again makes viewers feel all tingly inside with the tagline 'Making it home makes it Christmas', since Christmas should never be celebrated alone. Heathrow is the unsung hero of Christmas, apparently.

The emotions... they're un-bear-able

M&S: DECLARING THE MUST-HAVES OF CHRISTMAS

'What makes Christmas Christmas?' It's an excellent question asked by the lovely Holly Willoughby at the start of Marks & Spencer's Christmas ad. It stirs the mind into contemplation, as everyone has their own traditions and associations of what truly defines this magical holiday. Perhaps it's the thought of warming up by the fire, seeing family or even the excitement of falling asleep in front of the TV in the middle of your Harry Potter movie marathon. Thankfully, M&S are ready to show the nation what are the essential ingredients to Christmas, which are all handily provided by the store and crammed into one whole minute.

From the plugs needed to light up the Christmas tree, all the way through comfy lounge wear, gift envy and a 'bit of Bridget', M&S certainly get their criteria right. There's even time to squeeze in a pantomime fairy at a bus stop, because dressing in drag is just something the British do at Christmas (or if given the chance at any point of the year, come to think of it). 'All you really need is a little bit of magic... and a whole lot of sparkle' is how Holly ends the list. 'Must-Haves' are what M&S aim to provide to all of us this Christmas, and their declaration may just see them earn top spot this year. Well, if M&S are selling bright purple coats that makes a fairy look on in surprise, then they might be the real deal.  

Bus stops have never looked better

KFC: CHICKEN TAKES ON TURKEY IN CHRISTMAS CLASH

As M&S ponder over the must-haves of Christmas, KFC are addressing the far more important issue of which protein-packed meat is better. The debate between chicken and turkey has plagued all the bodybuilding forum posts that ambitious lifters have come upon, but this Christmas could see this heated discussion come to an end. While KFC can happily claim to be the superior restaurant when it comes to fried chicken, they still have to deal with the portion of people who shun their goods in favour of its lower calorie counterpart. Now, thanks to one courageous chicken, we may have our answer.

This plucky poultry traverses roaring streams, steep mountains and fields of snow to come face-to-face with its eternal rival; a turkey. The two stare each other down in what clearly is a homage to Red Dead Redemption 2 as that cool Western music plays in the background. Viewers are sure to be on the edge of their seats and have sweat drip down their foreheads in anticipation of who shall win this winner takes all standoff. The chicken raises its voice and flaps its wings to send the turkey running for the hills. 'Turkey comes and goes but chicken is here to stay' is the yuletide message that KFC is cooking up for us this Christmas. If all their chickens are as ballsy as this one, then maybe a Bargain Bucket is in order. It will be a fitting way to celebrate their victory over both turkey and their Christmas advert competitors.

KFC ad or Red Dead Redemption 2?

TK MAXX: NEVERENDING STOCKING SPOILS FAMILY ROYALLY

Whenever a shopping centre or city beckons this humble blogger towards it, you can bet your bottom dollar that the TK Maxx shall be found and stripped clean of any bargain on offer. New shoes may have been purchased last month, but now there are designer shoes at discount prices. Oh look, a Jack Wills shirt, which would go perfectly with these Reverse jeans and Kronstadt jumper! THESE ITEMS ARE UNNECESSARY BUT THEY MUST BE BOUGHT!! TK Maxx is marvellous, and much like their Christmas advert this year they promise to spoil us all rotten with the 'Neverending Stocking'. One unbeknownst shopper stumbled upon this relic of cheap deals and her family will now be blessed with free presents for a whole year.

It ties in with TK Maxx's Christmas campaign of giving shoppers the chance to win a free gift every month until Christmas 2019 if they find an elusive stocking in one of their stores. Prepare for shelves to be stripped bare as the hunt for stockings begins, but hurry now as they won't last forever. Indeed, when the clock chimed midnight on Christmas Day, a year after the Neverending Stocking entered the lives of this lucky family, he flies off into the night to bring joy to the next household who finds it next. Anyone would be lucky to be stalked by a gigantic Christmas ornament burping up presents to all who are graced with its presence. Might have to pop back in before 25 December to find one- shows how good an advert it is, really.

'FEEEEDDDDD MMMMMEEEEEEE!'

BOOTS: CHRISTMAS SUBSIDES TEENAGE ANGST

Teenage years are made up of many key features. Puberty sends our bodies into unknown territory, the pressures of adult life slowly begin to surface and, above all, there is so much angst. Everything is terrible and anything that Mum or Dad suggests is met with a groan or a 'Do I have to?', which always ends in cross words and at least one parent threatening to banish you from the household. In Boots' advert, we see a mother and daughter attempt to co-exist with one another, which we all know will only end in tears. Our single mother fails to reproduce the hairstyle her daughter wants, much to her annoyance, and on another occasion the teenager rolls her eyes when coming across her mother sobbing while watching the TV. Of course, Boots had to include the infamous process of a parent looking on disapprovingly with what their child has decided to wear on a night out, as this particular mother produces a wet wipe and sends her offspring back upstairs to remove her makeup. In front of her friends as well! Nightmare.

But don't worry; a happy ending is in sight. While we witness this fractious relationship play out on screen, this particular teenager serenades us with her own version of Robbie Williams' 'She's The One', but now the lyrics are 'She's Me Mum'. Once seeing her mum perform as part of a choir, ordained in lipstick, her cold heart melts. On Christmas Day, she gifts her dear mother No7 lipstick with the simple note of 'Keep singing x' and gives her a big hug. '#GiftsThatGetThem' certainly gets us- right in the goddamn feels. It's the importance of family and appreciating everything they do that is the real message of this advert, all centred on a mother-daughter relationship. Just need to pop down to Boots to pick up some tissues.

This is why we can't have nice things

Christmas ads this year have been strong. The feels were well and truly hit, humour played a major part and, above all, they have got us in the mood for Christmas. It's coming up fast and its pace has been quickened by some excellent advertising from some of our favourite brands and companies. This festive season, make sure that this is the main topic of conversation around the dinner table come Christmas Day, as no one wants to have a row over Brexit or any other horrible political matters. Rather, debate on whether John Lewis has been knocked off their perch by one of the challengers vying for their crown. You're more than welcome to speak of Britain's drawn-out farewell from the EU, but spare a thought for adventurous carrots, homeless orangutans and whether chicken really is better than turkey.

We can all agree that Carlton is a great dancer, though

Ben G 😁 xo