As I continue my temporary imprisonment in my home, it was time to do some tactical purchases. Thankfully, Christmas is fast approaching so we are now entering a period of big title releases as companies rub their hands in delight over the thought of some big profits. Not going to deny it, it's a wonderful time to be alive.
Bethesda decided it was time to jump back on the
Wolfenstein train and release another installment of their long running series with
The New Colossus. Screams of delight pierced the air as I saw the announcement, release trailer and finally game play footage. Look, I'm a very lonely guy; there's not much else to be excited about really.
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| A personal hero |
If you're unfamiliar with the series, here's a quick run down. It's the 1960s and the Nazis won the Second World War. Things suck, so William 'B.J.' Blazkowicz (emerging from a 14 year coma) continues his Nazi killing ways and does it in a brutal and efficient way.
The New Colossus picks up where the last game left off, in 1961, as Mr Blazkowicz keeps on fighting.
I came to realise very quickly that this game was insane.
Bethesda had already pushed the boat out by giving us a timeline whereby a technologically superior Germany crushed all of their enemies and emerged victorious, and that allowed them to make the world their own. They had already crossed the line of sanity, and there was no going back.
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| Berlin has gone through some changes |
From the off, you know it's going to be a very unique experience. Blazkowicz, weakened by the events of the last game (there was a grenade, it was all very messy) defends the captured U-Boat
Eva's Hammer from a full frontal assault by antagonist Obergruppenführer Frau Irene Engel. BJ's body is certainly not in a good state, so must defeat the Nazis in a wheelchair. I'm not joking- and it was awesome.
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| Brutal |
The U-Boat itself is a sight to behold. It is, simply put, freaking massive. Captured by our plucky heroes in the last game, it now operates as the base of operations for the resistance. Armed with a nuclear cannon and more living quarters than you can shake a stick at, the resistance has found itself piloting one of the most powerful vehicles in the world.
But the Nazis won't be beat that easily, since they have a fully armed flying platform called the
Ausmerzer. Under Engel's command, it serves as an oppressive tool in the United States, and has the capability to ruin anyone's day. Whether your at sea in a U-Boat, visiting the old family farm (which B.J. does later on in the game), you can always count on the
Ausmerzer making an appearance and destroying your childhood home and memories. Not a bad thing though- B.J.'s dad is a total douche.
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| Swwweeeettttt |
Lore is always integral in games like these. The history nerd in me wants to learn everything about this world, and
Bethesda do an excellent job in doing this. Much like
The New Order, there are newspaper clippings, audio recordings and gold (because no game is complete without some Nazi gold). The readables add to the tone of total German domination, and the American media now being the new lap dog to the Ministry of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda.
We learn so much from these collectibles, such as the subjugation of the American people to the new world order, as the Ku Klux Klan are now a prominent faction in ensuing a smooth transition from democracy to lackey to a fascist superpower. White supremacy is now the norm, as the 'undesirables' are eradicated as part of the ultimate goal of total perfection. It's sickening, but that's the world we live in... in an alternate 1960s America.
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| Slightly disturbing |
Speaking of this new America, New York is no more. Well, it's there but now a nuclear wasteland. That's right, in 1948 an atomic bomb flattened the city and forced the government to surrender. Radiation is all around, bodies litter the street and stands as a symbol of the total defeat of the once great United States. A city that is famed for its lively nature is now silent and still; it's creepy. I've seen New York frozen by terraforming in
Resistance 3 under seize by ultra-nationalist Russians in
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, but this was by far the most disturbing.
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| A brutal end |
This is just one of the numerous locations that you travel to in
The New Colossus. Special mentions go out to Roswell and a Da'at Yichud safe house (they're a secret society who seek closeness with God through experiments and inventions- the Nazis nicked their stuff and became super powerful), an epic daydream of massacring Nazis in a courthouse, the massive ghetto that is now New Orleans and the outpost on Venus.
We'll get to Venus soon, but let's just talk about New Orleans. Not only is home to my favourite character of the whole game Horton Boone (the whiskey drinking, loud preaching, communist figurehead of the New Orleans resistance cell), but also to my favourite action sequence. The resistance have taken control of a
Panzerhund i.e. a big robotic doggo, which you can ride on. I named it Bucephalus and we had a wonderful time burning Nazis alive.
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| The noble steed of Alexander the Great, in case you were wondering |
Right, let's talk Venus. Let me give you guys a quick summary. You're there to steal some codes for a defence system, with B.J. disgusing himself as an actor to get onto the outpost. This film is produced by Adolf Hitler himself, retelling the story of how B.J. Blazkovicz was finally defeated. Oh yeh, I forgot to mention that Blazkowicz was captured, beheaded on live TV on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and his head was caught by a drone piloted by the resistance to be attached to the body of a super soldier. I told you this game was bizarre!
OK, back to Venus. You come face to face with an aged and clearly decrepit Führer, ranting about how great he is and that this film would be a great triumph. Not only does he dispose of actors he deems too bad to portray the villainous 'Terror-Billy', but goes on to vomit on the floor and piss in a bucket. I guess he's allowed to; he's the most powerful man on the planet and now gives no fucks. I'd feel sorry for him, but it's Hitler.
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| After all these years, he's still pretty pissed |
Having successfully stolen defence codes from the Venus site, it's back down to Earth for a birthday party. What fun! Things get out of hand quickly, as alcohol flows, sexual tension is all around and B.J. Blazkowicz rides a pig through the halls of
Evas Hammer. Our pal Fergus loses his robotic arm, leading to a
Hangover style search for the wayward limb. It just goes to show that the most formidable fighters on the planet also throw one hell of a party.
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| This game... |
I'm completely overwhelmed by how mad
The New Colossus is. Yet
Bethesda can do whatever they want. Reality has already been altered with an Allied defeat in the Second World War, so there is total freedom to create a reality of killer robots, Adolf Hitler the film producer and the party of the century being thrown on the biggest U-Boat in existence. I'm so on board with all of this (apart from the whole Aryan ideology, that's messed up).
Let me bring this 'review' to an end. I say 'review' since there's no talk of stealth, character development or even weaponry. I'm afraid you can go to a proper review for that one, but I am open to the idea of
Bethesda endorsing me to do a proper review. I am a fanboy, for they gave me
Skyrim and an epic adventure that I shall never forget. In the case of this new
Wolfenstein installment, it was certainly an excellent purchase.
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| There are no words |
If you're looking for some other review style posts, check out these here links:
https://absosham.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/ben-tries-to-review-handmaids-tale.html
https://absosham.blogspot.co.uk/2017/11/stranger-things-your-new-favourite.html
https://absosham.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/boredom-is-wonderful-thing.html
Spread the word friends!
Ben G 😁 xo
P.S. There's been some bad news regarding my predicament, and it likely won't be resolved until the New Year. It's fucking bullshit, that's all I want to say.
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