Absolute Shambles

The prospects of employment are on the horizon, with this week full of interviews and plenty of applications. My days of being a sponge on the state are perhaps coming to an end, which fills me with dread. Gone will be the days of Netflix binges and wearing comfortable clothes. Truly, a fate worse than death. Yet all is not lost! To celebrate my move toward permanent employment, I dug through the treasure that is my collection of games for the PS3 and came upon FIFA 13. Childish glee swept over me, and I proclaimed that I shall take up the reigns of management once more and take Arsenal to the promised land of not being rubbish at football. My old and dear friend This was a time travelling experience. Not only was I diving head first into the nostalgia pool of FIFA 13, but also to a strange time in the world of football. Paul Pogba can be bought on loan, Harry Kane spends his days at Norwich and nobody knows what a Jamie Vardy is. Also Monaco are stuck in Ligue 2 and I find tha...

When you're basically unemployed (I work some shifts at my local pub so there is some income), time becomes a plentiful commodity. You can get all your shit done and do it all in your PJs or underwear- maybe even naked if you're that way inclined. All that free time means you are left alone with your thoughts, and sometimes your mind does begin to wonder. It turns out that my brain landed on one hell of a conclusion. My trusty thinking organ decided that it would be a grand idea to do some sort of challenge. A 100 km walking challenge to be exact. From London to Brighton. Thanks brain. You said it, mate Now I like a good physical challenge; I do class myself as a fitness freak, and I'm proud of it of course! After spending the last four or five years losing weight and building muscle, I have fallen in love with my new healthy lifestyle, whether that's through sweating my balls off or cooking up a lovely healthy meal. Salmon and eggs are a beautiful combo I...

'They should have never given us uniforms if they didn't want us to be an army' When Offred uttered these words I got what can only be described as a TV boner. I guess it's like a regular one, but this particular  type arises from exquisite television. I really need to get out more. But then again, denying my hermit like nature would starve me of watching great shows like The Handmaid's Tale . Offred has no time for this totalitarian bullshit The premise of the show is straight forward enough. Environmental disaster and the promiscuity of the population has caused the human race to slowly become sterile due to a high amount of STDs. With the future bleak, a group of extremist Christians known as the 'Sons of Jacob' overthrow the United States government and establish the Republic of Gilead. Out of this newly found nation springs a total shakeup of society, as women have their rights stripped and become the property of men. But it gets worse for th...

After some time off in Cornwall, a bank holiday and a family matter, Thursday rolls around and I find myself, technically, waking up to my first day of unemployment. An early morning gym session was complete and now began the major tasks for the day- getting a job and funding my extravagant life. The quest for employment has begun By the end of the day, I had sent off three applications and had been offered a trial shift working behind the bar at my local pub. A blinding start really! Oh, and I had signed up for an interview on Friday afternoon with Hollister. That's right, Hollister. That clothing chain famous for its dimly lit stores and beautiful members of staff. To be fair, when I walked into Hollister and enquired about work I was expecting to be laughed out the door. These people would riot if they had to work with a 'normal' person. But no, I was greeted with a smile and given a card about interview times and where to sign up. Now I'm going to be ho...