Absolute Shambles

'So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye'- 'So Long, Farewell' from The Sound of Music , 1965 Post Number 100. The bunting has been hoisted out of the cupboard and is now strung up in all its glory. Caterers are hurriedly preparing a lavish spread for the exclusive event that surrounds such a historic moment, which will be attended by the biggest celebrities on the planet. People such as Barack Obama, Sir Patrick Stewart and LeBron James are waiting for the gold envelope to slide through the letterbox and invite them to the prestigious gathering. Celine Dion is warming up her vocal cords to sing a duet with Ed Sheeran, who will perform a special song written by Pharrell Williams. Dwayne Johnson and Channing Tatum will be running security for the night, hoping to keep out any party crashers who want to catch a glimpse of this humble blogger and his famous entourage. Seriously, this makes the Oscars look like a primary school disco. Master of Ceremonies Sadly, ...

'Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely... I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory! Good luck! And let us all beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking'- Dwight D. Eisenhower, in an address to the Allied Expeditionary Force, 2 June 1944 Absolute Shambles  has reached its penultimate post. Much like the premiership of Theresa May , the end to this turbulent and embarrassing time in history is coming to an end. The very small but loyal following (please make yourself known) are probably sobbing uncontrollably and are disturbing anyone who comes across them as they spill their tears on the floor while huddled in a ball. For everyone else, the closing of the blog is likely met with reactions such as 'Who the hell cares?', 'Ben had a blog?' and 'Finally, more focus ...

'You mustn't expect prime ministers to enjoy themselves. If they do, they mustn't show it- the population would be horrified'- Edward Heath (Prime Minister 1970-1974), 1976 Humans are awfully violent creatures. A quick scan through the epic saga that is our species' history reveals how brutal some people can be. Warfare, betrayals, general instances of being a complete bastard; yep, human history has it all! Even though we have become more 'civilised' as we straightened ourselves out, mastered the whole walking on two legs business and constructed society, that predatory instinct has stayed with us to this day. We don't have to hunt for our food thanks to supermarkets, but we keep our targets in our sights. Whenever weakness is detected, out springs that side of humanity that got us through some rocky times with all those dinosaurs and other big beasties stomping about. In this world of smart phones, Fortnite and all that, humans are still very much c...