Absolute Shambles

'One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don't go into government'- Donald Trump (can you smell the irony?) There's been a landslide victory in the recent elections in Ukraine. Petro Poroshenko has served as President of Ukraine since 2014, after previously serving as Minister of Foreign Affairs, Minister of Trade and Economic Development and even as head of the Council of Ukraine's National Bank. His connections to big businesses due to his status as a prominent oligarch in Ukraine (Petro owns confectionery brand Roshen and TV channel 5 kanal ) has given Petro a strong ring of contacts that only strengthened his power. Although Poroshenko rose to the head of government in the aftermath of a revolution in 2014 that toppled the pro-Russian government, his credentials were still decent. He lost to a comedian who plays the Ukrainian president on a TV show. All smiles (AFP) With around 73% of the popular vote, Volodymyr Zele

'Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps'- Tiger Woods As time marches on, the idols that we grew up with slowly move into the chronicles of history. Footballing legends in the time of young Ben, such as Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard, have ditched the boots and now stalk the dugouts as managers. Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher, once fierce rivals on the pitch, now duke it out on Sky Sports as part of their inspiring bromance, while also lending their voices as co-commentators. Brian O'Driscoll now spends his time on BT Sport to discuss rugby, while Jeremy Guscott finds himself alongside the lovely Gabby Logan on the BBC to pick apart that wonderful game with the egg-shaped ball. Oh, and Tim Henman, once Britain's best tennis player, can now be found in a studio once Wimbledon rolls around (yes, he's a legend- he wasn't great, but he was the best we had). But there is one m

'Brexit means Brexit'- Theresa May, 11 July 2016 Rejoice, one and all! 29 March has passed and the UK has left the European Union. Britain has secured independence from the vicious tyrants that sit in their ivory tower in Brussels, who now weep at our departure. Theresa May is greeted with thunderous applause at having seen Brexit through to completion, with talks of being awarded a Damehood for her services to the country. All who doubted her now beg for forgiveness, with Chairman Jeremy Corbyn banging his head against the table after seeing his dreams of becoming Prime Minister dashed in an instant. The country has come together in unity as all look to the bright future of the United Kingdom, now free of the grip of Europe. Sweet delicious freedom Aaannnndddd back to reality. Britain is still in the European Union, unable to agree upon a deal that should have seen the nation leave the EU and begin a new life. May, having survived numerous challenges to her leadership,